Well, the first game of week 7 has started, but as long as this gets posted before that game ends, it’s still technically a summary, right? 😐
Festivus Miracles (136) def Not Lucky or Good (108)
The Miracles continue to live up to their name, pulling rabbits, RBs, and even Breezy QBs (465 yards, 4 TDs, INT) out of their bright red Santa hat without a care in the world. And, while the Not Luckies finally found their Odell Beckham Jr (222 yards, 2 TDs, FUM) – he was stuck behind some cushions in the couch – it wasn’t enough to challenge this week. The league is going to need a miracle to STOP the Miracles…
El Sereno Chica (79) def Gnomes (77)
The Chicas brought their one-trick-pony to the party – LeSean “Boy oh boy” McCoy (142 yards, 3 TDs) – and pranced around on the top of the tables like the Lone Ranger. Sadly, the Gnomes were stuck in their seatbelt-optioned high chairs and not even the lockpick / football-pump-needle wielded by Long Tom Brady (378 yards, 3 TDs) could get them out. The horseshoe marks to the forehead will take a while to fade.
Northern Aggression (108) def Two off the Top (74)
The Aggressors sure like the honk of a Gronk (162 yards, TD) in full flight, and I think we can all agree that he’s finally flying south for the winter… if you define “south” as “through the opposition defense like butter”. There was much less to be happy about from the Two Toppers, though Ezekiel “Phone Home” Elliott (174 yards) sure gave it his all. This loss sends them to the bottom of the table, sparking intense debate whether they’ll rename themselves to Seven Off the Top.
Platypus Power (127) def Auto Draft Kings (69)
The Platypus’s power is green, renewable and from Dutch design, because it comes via a Lamar Wind-Miller (178 yards, 2 TDs) – a workhorse who grinds wheat into flour by spinning around in circles. A lot. The Auto Draft Kings did themselves no favors with FOUR players in the 20+ range on the bench, and their lowest scoring QB on the field. If it weren’t for Brandin Cooks In the Kitchen (175 yards, TD), things could have gotten really ugly. Like Hell Boy With Bad Hair ugly.
I see it’s approaching half time on Thursday Night Football, and the stats for the Platypus players on the field are looking decidedly pathetic, so it’s time for me to vamoose before the odd feeling of having a decent FF team disappears completely.