Week 5

Busy times in the “day job” this week, so just a quick write-up today…

Festivus Miracles (148) def El Sereno Chica (81)

If this were a running race, it’d be like Usain Bolt lining up against Mickey Rooney – entertaining to watch but never in doubt. A blistering game for David Johnson (185 yards, 2 TDs) sealed it, though the Chicas had FOUR players with zero points this week – implying they were either attempting an ill-advised rope-a-dope tactic, or they were suffering from a (hopefully temporary) complete inability to read a calendar.

Auto Draft Kings (113) def Two off the top (86)

The Auto Drafters have 3 QBs to choose from and this week, finally, they picked the best one  – Phillip Sold-Up-The Rivers (359 yards, 4 TDS, 2 INTs). It’s not clear if this was on purpose or “third time’s a charm”, but they’ll take the win. I’m not sure what cards the Two Top Ones were hoping for, but a 3 of hearts and an Ezekiel Elliott (171 yards, 2 TDs) simply wasn’t enough.

Not Lucky or Good (113) def Northern Aggression (105)

The Luckies brought the good goods (as opposed to the bad, dodgy and mediocre goods) to this week’s game, with the eye-liner on Amari “Alice” Cooper (138 yards, TD, 2-PNT) being a particularly effective intimidation tactic. The Aggressors ran up the clock – Big Ben (380 yards, 4 TDs, FUM) – but then it struck one… and the Aggressors ran down… Hickory Dickory Loss.

Gnomes (121) def Platypus Power (87)

The Gnomes finally managed to pick the lock on the cage holding Tom “You won’t like me when I’m angry” Brady (420 yards, 3 TDs), and the results were not pretty… especially if you happened to be semiaquatic egg-laying mammal in the general vicinity. Not that it mattered much – the Kiss of the Spider Platypus had already been applied to much of the team – one IR, a concussion, two high-ankle sprains, and a groin.

Mark your calendars – football start tonight!

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