Week 12

The world’s most evenly balanced FF league continues…

Deflated Expectations (118) def Da Gnomes (87)

This reporter is going to go out on a limb and suggest that the Deflators DO have expectations this season, especially since the rest of the league is floundering around like a beached manatee on LSD. Sure, they mostly dominated this win thanks to the funky beat of hip-hop legend ‘Panther D’ (2 sacks, 3 INTs, 2 TDs), but it was nonetheless emphatic. The Gnomes had one job to do – keep the Deflators down in the muck with the rest of us – and they blew it. The scuttlebutt is that Fine And Dandy Andy Dalton (237 yards, 3 TDs, INT) just didn’t want to get his trousers icky…

El Serona Chica (125) def Sultans of Suck (115)

The Chica’s top-scored this week by driving their Derek Carr (335 yards, 3 TDs, FUM) straight over the top of the Sultans’ spleen. It was a bold move by the Chica’s, especially because they’d only just gotten their insurance coverage back after last week’s unfortunate bear mauling incident. The Sultans did give it the good college try this week, but even Calvin Get-Your-Long-Johns-On (93 yards, 3 TDs) simply could not get his pants pulled up fast enough, or high enough, to cover all the… cracks… in their team.

Not Lucky or Good (116) def Northern Aggression (100)

The Luckies used the “couple of super heroes” approach to score their fantasy football points this week and it paid off in spades. Adrian Spidey-Sense Peterson (187 yards, 2 TDs) simply ran north, south, east, and west. Aggressively. The end result was a total score that was within 0.2 points of their predicted score, and those who were Not-Quite-So-Aggressive were left scratching their heads and lamenting why, oh why, they’d left their top scorer, Hot-Rod Tyrod Taylor (337 yards, 3 TDs, FUM), idling in their garage.

Killer Koalas (82) def The Asshatery (70)

Koalas are short, but they are also fanged terrors known for ripping the hamstring right out of a grown man’s leg. Well, at least one of them is. Yes, Mousekateer T.Y-because-we-love-you Hilton (95 yards, 2 TDs) happily demonstrated that you don’t have to score big in order to win a game. And what about the Ass Haters? What can you say about them? Well, you can point out that they’re a small separatist sect of sickly vegans who live in northern Oregon farming free range tofu… and that they just had their tiny butts handed to them by a cuddly (fanged) bear… and that’s about it.

And now Lucky Week 13 awaits us all…

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