The leader board is changing all over the place this week. We have a new leader – the Commish winning 4 straight and leapfrogging everyone – and we also have a new tail-end charlie – the Not Luckies (who seem to have a serious point to prove about how appropriate their name is).
Now on to a musically inspired edition of FF…
Deflated Expectations (125) def Sultans of Suck (100)
If this is it, please let me know. If this ain’t love then just say so. The Deflated Expectations are on fire, crooning up a storm to anyone who will listen, and the lure of their flared pants and racy mustache was simply undeniable. Even the notoriously-poor lady’s man, Carson Sweaty Palmer (380 yards, 4 TDs, INT), found a way to sing along in key, and their top dog status is well deserved. The Sultans had the opportunity to defend the high ground and hopes were high… until they glanced down at their embroidered work shirts and remembered they sucked. With their top two scorers on the bench (frantically unpicking the stitching on their shirts), the Sultans were left with DeAndre Hopkins Hospital (94 yards, TD) leading the way to their sure and steady utter defeat. With a log jam building up on the leaderboard, the next few weeks will be critical for their survival.
Da Gnomes (145) def Northern Aggression (90)
The devil went down to Georgia. He was looking for a season to steal… The fact that he looked a lot like Tom Brady (357 yards, 4 TDs) was purely coincidental, and I’m certain not a single person in all of Buffalo would hold it against Da Gnomes for picking him, playing him, and beating his own flesh and blood into a bruised mass of rib eye steak using his points. The addition of Ohhh… Dellll… Beckham Jnr (130 yards, 3 TDs) was just icing on the cake. Apart from the ignominy of having a Tom-Brady-shaped dent in their face, the Aggressors will also undoubtedly lose sleep (and more than a few sweet, salty tears) from the knowledge that this makes four losses in a row. If it wasn’t for Matt-In-A-Hat Ryan (399 yards, 2 TDs, INT, FUM), it could have been even worse – it could have been the biggest thrashing of the week! Wait… just checking the numbers again… oh, yeah, um, sorry.
Cascade of Pushing (115) def El Sereno Chica (107)
If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain, I’m the kicker you’ve dreamed of, write to me and escape. Yes, the Cascaders know how to write a line that isn’t half-bad, and they also know when quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers just aren’t worth the money. Nope, just get yourself a Justin Mother Tucker (5 FGs, 2 PATs) kicker and all will be well with your old lady. The Chicas responded by investing heavily in one-half-of-the-massive-shoot-out that was the NYG-v-NO game, with Eli Man-Up Manning racking up 350 yards and 6-yes-6 TDs. They had their chances but, unfortunately, the Chicas had to say bye-bye to a few key players this week and simply did not have anyone to backfill the gap. With everything so balanced this year – the Chicas are 5th – they are also (technically speaking) just one win (and a bunch of points) away from the top spot. There is plenty of time to meet up at a bar called O’Malley’s and cut through all the red tape.
Killer Koalas (87) def Not Lucky or Good (84)
We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind. ‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance, well, they’re no friends of mine. Never have truer words been spoken, especially when applied to Drew Two-Left-Feet Brees (512 yards, 7-yes-7 TDs, INT), whose brilliance can be admired but IN NO WAY can he – and his lame-o dance moves – be allowed out on the field. Yes, the Koalas did not play record-equaling QB Drew Brees this week… but totally feel vindicated because they won anyway. It is now safe to dance. The Not Luckies were almost lucky on MNF, with their kicker Adam Vinatieri (4 FGs, 2 PATs) coming very close to out-scoring Andrew Luck and TY Hilton combined to pick up the win… but then the dream faded. I think we can all agree that it is a truly difficult and challenging task to lose to such a poor opponent and I, for one, believe that the Not Luckies should be congratulated for their dedication to the fine art of being unlucky. Well done, sir, well done.
We’re getting down to the business end of the season, so please ask yourself: are you a maniac, maniac on the floor? Are you playing like you’ve never played before? If not, please purchase some tube socks and pick up your game.