Week 4

This round shall forever be known as The Week of Justice, as the top 4 scores won their matchup with minimal fuss. Justice might be blind but she does occasionally know how to use her scales.

Cascade of Pushing (140) def Deflated Expectations (79)

This was the only real thumping of the week, with the Cascaders dumping thousands of gallons of pain on to the hapless Expectors. It was done in a fairly even way, too, with a bunch of decent scores across the board… oh, plus the input of the very laid-back Devonta Worry-Freeman (149 yards, 3 TDs), of course. The Deflators have been unlucky in previous weeks – they have the most points scored but only the one win – so it actually might be a relief for them to truly deserve their loss for a change. Of course, Le’Veon You Can Ring My Bell, Ring My Bell (150 yards, TD) was still pretty annoyed by it all.

Not Lucky or Good (95) def Da Gnomes (80)

The Luckies are on the board! Yes, if you’re playing roulette  with Wesley Snipes and you keep doggedly betting on red all night long, eventually even Mr Snipes will need a bathroom break and you can WIN ONE. Yeehar. It was a good team win for the Luckies, too, with a rather mild top scorer in the form of Russell I’m-Good-Really-I-Am Wilson (327 yards, TD, 2 FUM).  As for Da Gnomes, someone had to come up short against the Luckies eventually, and they had just the diminutive stature to do it. With a bench full of duds, Da Gnomes only had one player in platform shoes the rest could look up to – Fine-And-Dandy Andy Dalton (337 yards, TD).

Northern Aggression (104) def Sultans of Suck (78)

The battle of the last two undefeated teams promised so much… and delivered so little. Never really in doubt, the Northern Aggressors simply used their vast socio and economic factors to bear and the result was never in doubt. But enough about the Civil War, in this matchup it was basically Jonah’s-Brother Jeremy Hill (40 yards, 3 TDs, 2-PNT) who smashed apart the enemy ranks. The Aggressors now stand alone on top of the table, winning their games with a professional calm that would make Hannibal Lecter proud. As for the Sultans, they’ve spent the last few years approaching fantasy football with such low expectations that it’s possible they’re thinking “finally, the world makes sense again”. Even stalwart Aaron Dodgy-Feet Rodgers (257 yards, TD) took it down a notch this week, proving that he, too, is human.

Killer Koalas (94) def El Sereno Chica (79)

It’s a little known (and unconfirmed) fact that koalas are much more active right around sunset, so it makes complete sense that they’d wait until overtime on Sunday night to make their move, with an 80-yard TD in overtime from Drew Swinging-In-The Brees (359 yards, 2 TDs) finally taking them ahead of the Chicas. While it does make managing them hard, and they do fall asleep a few minutes later, this week it paid off. As for the Chicas, they are emerging as THE bi-polar team of the competition with scores bouncing around all over the place. Top scorer was Marky Mark Ingram (128 yards), who is reportedly still a bit miffed at having his TD overturned, though he does take solace that he can scrub his laundry on his washboard abs whenever he wants.

This week, fantasy football was a simple game – just score more than the lower half of the league. Let’s see if that continues…


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