Week 3

Week 3 and, for most, the scores went back up. Way up. And for others, it didn’t.

Deflated Expectation (208) def El Sereno Chica (79)

Deflated… Deflated…? That word you keep using, I don’t think it means what you think it means. Holy 200-PSI pig-skin, Batman, the Deflated Expectations have so many points coming out their wazoo they might need to buy an extra large box of extra-large Depends to catch them all. With 7 players scoring 19 or higher points, it’s hard to credit one player with being the best… but numbers are numbers and the Most Awesomest Award goes to Steve Smith Sr Citizen (186 yards, 2 TDs). The Chicas had to lose at some point and they did it BIG. A couple of goose eggs and not even Skatin’ Peyton Manning (323 yards, 2 TDs, INT) could get them in the ballpark of being able to see the sign stating that the ballpark was another 18 miles that way.

Da Gnomes (135) def Cascade of Pushing (120)

It was pleasing to see the Da Gnomes embrace their evil side and play both the Pat’ Boys together once more, regardless of how oily it makes them feel. However, it wasn’t a Pat who moved them forward this week, it was actually a Cardinal. Yes, Larry Turn-Back-Time Fitzgerald boogalooed his butt off AGAIN this week – 134 yards, 2 TDs, and a private serenade from Cher astride a battleship. The Cascaders gave a decent MNF push – via Jamaal Snarl Charles (82 yards, 3 TDs) – but it was all a case of too little, too late. But all is not lost, the Pushers did get the award for the highest scoring loser this week, which comes with… absolutely no benefits of any kind.

Sultans of Suck (111) def Not Lucky or Good (96)

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. And if it wasn’t for MNF, the Sultans wouldn’t have won. A whopping 35 points from the last game of the round from Aaron McLaren Rodgers (349 yards, 5 TDs) and the Sultans were sucking down Bollinger champagne and platefuls of caviar like they didn’t want to get up tomorrow – and why should they when the past holds nothing but glory. It’s like how high school would have been for Rupert Grint. The Not Lucky or Goods (Nor Ironically Named) were a self-fulfilling prophecy as they *technically* had enough points sitting on the bench to have stolen the win… but pre-cog skills in the order of Minority Report would have been needed to pull it off. That is, a lack of ‘good’ meant they were in trouble, and a complete absence of ‘lucky’ meant they sent the wrong guys out on the field.

Northern Aggression (125.2) def Killer Koalas (62.6)

The Aggressors went a’hunting koalas, like you do, and managed to line up two of the poor buggers along the same branch. Bam! One shot and he got two for the price of one. Yes, EXACTLY double the score for the North, thanks mostly to some lightning fast runs from AJ “Flo-Jo” Green (227 yards, 2 TDs). The Koalas might have been upset at their woeful showing this week but, frankly, the taxidermist did such a good job reconstructing their jaws with small, blank smiles that we may never know.

Three weeks in and already it’s becoming clear this could be a year of the have’s and the have-not’s. Which side are you on?

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