Round 12 – Results

With everyone’s favorite Thursday rapidly approaching (a whole DAY of football, food, frivolity, fava beans, and family – how can you beat that?), we can look back at our fortunes from last week and all be thankful we got to see OBJ’s catch, and that we didn’t bet against Peyton for back-to-back losses.

Anything but RBs (156) def Northern Aggression (106)

With three ‘scores’ in their twenties this week, the Anything But Religious Benedictian-monks are on a roll – pulling disco dance moves, sharply-tailored suits, and witty comments out of their back pockets like nobody’s business. Led all the way by the resurgent Peyton “He’s the” Manning (255 yards, 4 TDs, 2-PNT), this team has taken over the top of the table. And the ladies like it. The Aggressors could only watch and admire the master at work, though they did have a front-row seat in the form of Demaryius “Gregarious” Thomas (87 yards, 3 TDs). Stuck in the dog-house, though, was Jonas Gray, who followed up a 4-TD / 44-point week with coming late to practice… and no snaps.

Sultans of Suck (108) def Mouchoir Sur Terrain (99)

The Sultans have bounced back from last week’s shock-loss to the Chicas with a tough win over the Hankies. They blew their noses in their general direction, they wiggled their camels’ butts inappropriately, and – most importantly – squeezed out crucial points from Russell “and bustle” Wilson (284 yards, TD). The Hankies lay limply on the ground in response, as even Aaron “le Baron” Rodgers (243 yards, 2 TDs) underperformed against Yahoo’s grand expectations. The Sultans now have a one-game lead in 4th spot with two rounds to go. Could the suckiest of us all make it through to the big game?

El Sereno Chica (111) def Da Gnomes (86)

Whoa, what is going on?! The Chicas have timed things perfectly and are now making a serious run for 7th place , proving that there is no time like the present to improve your status, even after an 0-and-10 start. Bravo! To add even more spice to the week, they also had Odell “OMG OBJ” Beckham Junior on their team, pulling in a very, very impressive one-handed catch (146 yards, 2 TDs). After being bleached and buried last week, it’s understandable why Da Gnomes might have had trouble digging themselves out of the dirt for this one. Tom “Lazarus” Brady (349 yards, 2 TDs, INT) proves that it CAN be done, though…

Killer Koalas (117) def Luckier than Good (94)

The Koalas hang grimly on to 7th spot, their little claws – so ineffectual against predators larger than a single-slice toaster – proving just strong enough to keep gravity at bay for one more week. With it all hanging on MNF, it was pleasant to have a cool Brees (435 yards, 3 TDs, INT) flow through the eucalyptus trees and revitalize the bedraggled bears. The Luckies – perhaps to be shortly renamed the Lackies – are in free-fall at exactly the wrong part of the season. Three losses in a row does not bode well for the playoffs, though they are already guaranteed a spot within them. They will need to follow the lead of Matt “Shark Attack” Forte (112 yards, 2 TDs) if they want to go… all… the… way.

Thursday is coming. Yay football!  Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.

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