Round 6 – Results

A torrential downpour of demo prep, OneNote updates, and discussions of remaining PBIs caused a delay in the start-of-writeup this week, but we’d all rather be talking about football so let’s get right to it…

 Anything but RBs (92) def El Sereno Chica (82)

The Anything But Rusty Backflips performed their flying trapeze act at the Big Top Circus this weekend, sailing through the air with greatest of ease… without a safety net. Yes, despite the fact that every other football team in history HAS used a kicker in their games, the No Rusty’s thought they’d spice up their act with a “sans boot” performance. Of course, when you have Peyton “Triple Flip” Manning (237 yards, 3 TDs), you can be excused for being slightly overconfident. The El Sereno Merinos – a rare breed of humble football fans known for their fine woolen jackets – took a different approach and played “sans D”. Unfortunately, this risky approach meant that, with just one bump, they spilled a giant glass of 2014 pinot noir all over themselves and ruined their jacket. Not even Jay “The Butler” Cutler (389 yards, TD, 2-PNT) could get the stains out.

Mouchoir sur Terrain (127) def Da Gnomes (81)

The Hankies covered the ground this weekend, their bright colors and lacy edges so impressively festive that very few – and especially not a short, bow-legged Gnome – could resist them. In fact, on the entire field there were only two booger-filled hankies, while the rest were pressed, folded, and ready for a trip to the red carpet. The premier choice, though, would have to be Aaron “Silky Smooth” Rodgers (298 yards, 3 TDs). As for the Gnomes, their red-and-runny noses were dripping all over the place, and they dared not mess with the pristine Hankies… and instead used their sleeve. Sure, the organized and “Genteel” Arian Foster (141 yards 2 TDs) managed to bring a tissue with him, but he was the exception to the crusty sleeves.

Luckier than Good (132.1) def Sultans of Suck (131.7)

You know things are tight when the scoreline is forced to go into decimals. And you know there was much wailing involved when the two scores happen to be the two biggest results of the week. But, frankly, the Luckiers don’t care, and the drama was never in serious doubt – sure, the differential was basically 4 yds rushing, but when it came down to a coin toss as close as this one, you always bet on the luckier guy. You might even say the Goods winning a tight game has become their [Matt] Forte (157 yards, 2 TDs). (sigh). The Sultans, of course, are wondering what the [beep] they ever did to anyone to deserve this, and the answer is “we have no idea, but you should be ashamed of yourself”. At least they can look back at that great sleep they had staying at the T.Y. Hilton (223 yards, TD).

Northern Aggression (121) def Killer Koalas (95)

To hold a ridgeline in a time of war, especially when besieged by an attack of slow-moving, sleep-deprived bears, the army needs to remain calm and have the entire line stand up together. And Northern Aggression sure managed this. With no heroes required, each man simply picked off a few bears each and they ate like kings in the evening. Top-shot status was actually shared by Branden Oliver “and Hardy” (124 yards, TD) and Demaryius Thomas “Hardy” (124 yards, TD). The Bears – well, at least a few of them – woke up to find themselves spinning on a spit over an open fire and – after much adventure – made their way back to camp with their egos fully deflated. Only DeMarco Murray (144 yards, TD) was able to avoid the cone of shame applied by the team vets.

Another round starts tonight. Maybe you NOT wake up on tied to a spit over an open flame. It’s no fun.

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