The standings at the end of Week 3 are interesting because: they exactly reflect the ‘Points For’ column; no-one has remained undefeated; and the luckiest team is on top. This is giving off the vibe that we’re in some kind of karma-filled universe which is, frankly, freaking me out a bit.
Luckier Than Good (118) def Anything But RBs (101)
One again the marquee player of the Luckier Than Good’s – Mr Andrew ‘Holy Crud Do I Have’ Luck (385 yards, 4 TDs) – came through in a big way. The performance of the rest of the team was a bit “spotty”, but you only need one winning line of your lottery ticket to take home the money. The Anything But Rib-eye Burgers tried vegetarianism out this week, but didn’t allow for the drop in iron intake. Peyton “KO’d in OT” Manning (302 yards, 2 TDs, INT, 2 PNT) had the best constitution for the radical change in diet, but even he was unable to get the team over the line this week. Either more mushrooms, or less vegetarianism, will be needed next week.
Polar Vortex (110) def Northern Aggression (108)
The Polar Vortex is a cruel mistress – taunting and teasing potential victims with their chances of survival… only to remove all hope at the last possible second. First, they throw Julio “I’m no fool, y’know” Jones (161 yards, 2 TDs) into the mix, and then they sit back and see if you can make it out of the storm. The Aggressors, aided by their knowledge of true north and led by Antonio Brown (90 yards, 2 TDs), came oh-so-close to getting back out into the calm air, but it was not meant to be.
Sultans of Suck (95) def Da Gnomes (76)
The Sultans get the matchup of a lifetime, meeting the Gnomes when the moon is in retrograde and the poor little fellas were barely able to lift their heads up off their giant pillows. In a surprising democratic way, the Sultans also let everyone contribute, with Gio “call me Neo” Bernard (54 yards, 2 TDs) again putting in just a little bit more than everyone else. As for the Gnomes, the term catastrophe doesn’t fully cover it – injuries, poor results, and a sleeper on the bench… There were two standouts who accounted for well over half their points, including Matt “sat on the cat” Ryan (288 yards, 3 TDs). The Gnomes are in shock.
Killer Koalas (104) def El Sereno Chicas (82)
The furry claws of doom are back out, playfully swatting all and sundry from their path (as long as they’re not too big, of course). With a middling score, the Koalas chose their opponent well, with Pierre “what’s on the menu” Garcon (138 yards, TD) getting the final smack in. As for the Chicas, it seems that this is not the year of the hot vegetable. They drop to 0-and-3, have the fewest points scored, and no-one is more upset than Rashard “Jeans and” Jennings (176 yards, TD). The Chicas may have some team building in their near future.
Three weeks down already, and no clear dominator. Looks like a good season ahead!