Top score of the week was 127.94 points, scored (to the hundredth of a point) by BOTH Da Gnomes and Polar Vortex. This “coincidence” seems very weird and, as a victim to one of these scores, I can’t help but wonder if some kind of trans-continental voodoo was involved. If that’s the case, I want in.
Anything but RBs (109) def Sultans of Suck (82)
No Rhythm and Blues here. The Country-And-Westerns pulled on their cowboy garb this week, and simply boot-scooted their achy-breaky hearts all over the hapless Sultans. Leading the dance, in what was likely his first leading role in years, was Bawdy Jordy Nelson (209 yards, TD). As for the Sultans, they had Gio “Saint” Bernard (169 yards, TD) stand up and romp in time to the music, and they even remembered to send a QB to the ball this week, but pretty much everyone else just dived into Gio’s little barrel of rum and watched the dance from the sidelines with blurred vision and no date. The Sultans might be in for a long season…
Polar Vortex (126) def Luckier Than Good (118)
The Polar Vortex took last week’s loss as a personal affront to the inequality of the universe and figured this week they should bring the pain… in the form of mild-mannered Aaron Rodgers (374 total yards, 3 TDs). Interesting, the rest of the team was more of a series of mini-blizzards than a giant storm, with most players contributing about what they were expected. The Luckies walked headlong into the white-out, assuming that their built-in rabbit’s foot would protect them from a large fall. They were mostly correct, scoring the third highest score of the week – thanks to 26 blistering points from the New England D (6 sacks, 4 INTs, TD, blocked kick) – but in the end they still got frost-bit.
Northern Aggression (92) def El Sereno Chica (80)
This week’s lame-o matchup featured a whole lot of nothing. The Aggressors were better described as “Slightly Ticked Off”, with Matt “The Napping Cat” Stafford (299 total yards, TD, INT) top scoring in a team that basically just showed up and found the field empty. The El Sereno Chicas, on the other hand, squandered an opportunity to pull in their first win and may very well be considering becoming the “Bell Pepper Genteel Ladies”. This is particularly likely given than the Arizona D (17 points from 2 sacks, 2 INTs, 2 FUMs, and a TD) is well known for refusing the advances of inappropriate men.
Da Gnomes (128) def Killer Koalas (111)
And on the 10th day, after a nap and some time to REALLY think about the design, He made Jimmy Graham, and He was pleased. Yes, the league’s must underpaid catcher of footballs had an impressive week, pulling in 118 yards and 2 TDs to lead the little stream of Gnomes at his heels to victory. Even the Koalas were impressed. So much so that the even the triumphant return of DeMarco “Polo” Murray (173 yards, TD) from the Orient could not turn the tide.
After two weeks it seems that there is reasonable parity within the league – the standings have two undefeated teams (Gnomes and No RBs), four teams at 1-and-1, and two teams yet to break through. Our leaders don’t match up until week 4, so this coming round gives one of them a chance to take the lead, while rest of us scramble for position… You can’t win the title in the first few rounds, but you can lose it.