With no further ado…
Seasoned Vets win the 2013 GIS Fantasy Football Season!
Seasoned Vets (115) def El Sereno Chica (74)
A steady performer all year long, the Peyton Mannings… sorry, I mean the Seasoned Vets… always injected a syringe full of sedatives into their opponent’s carotid artery just when it was needed. This week the Peyton dosage was 400 yards, 4 YDs, and a record-breaking TD season. A deserved winner, the Vets are a credit to white lab coats and fur-covered pants across the country. Congrats! As for the sedated Chicas, they are reportedly in the ER having their ankles stitched up after attempting a boot scooting / River Dance combination in their glass slippers. Cinderella did NOT make it to the ball this year, and will have to make do with a Second Place finish for their first GIS FF season.
Sacrificial Anodes (149) def Sultans of Suck (110)
The Anodes finished the season with a flourish, oxidizing themselves into a frenzy for the top score in the final round and ownership of Third Place. It wasn’t the storybook ending they were hoping for, but – let’s be honest – Sacrificial Anodes rarely make it out alive… The Sultans, so promising earlier in the season, faded down the stretch and will need to wait at least one more year to bust through the league. They can, however, hold their head high as they ride their camel through the desert. They did not suck.
Killer Koalas (112) def Over Seasoned Vet (107)
The Koalas saved their best for “too late” and find their furry faces pressed up against the Fifth Place glass ceiling at the top of their lower-bracket gum tree. They’ll be back next year, and they’re bringing an alarm clock! The strapped knees and wrist braces that adorned the Over Seasoned Vet all season long came off briefly last week, but there was only so much medical science could do to help this (confusingly renamed) team in the finals. Given the pain and drama this team went through, Sixth Place is an accomplishment worth drinking to.
Da Gnomes (98) def Northern Aggression (82)
There’s an old Nittany saying that when push comes to shove, you want a Gnome standing behind the other guy so he’ll fall over faster. After losing twice to his brother during the (already long-forgotten) regular season matchups, the Gnomes manage to bring “the pain” and (presumably) thoroughly enjoyed Christmas dinner – and Seventh Place – this year. The Aggressors… What can one say? They simply ran out of steam at precisely the wrong time and tumbled down to the very… very… very… very… bottom of the table. Someone has to get the Wooden Spoon, and this year it was them.
One last statistical note for the final round: Yahoo was 1-and-3, while ‘The Tip” was 3-and-1.
And that’s all, folks. Hope you enjoyed it. Personally, I thought the season got better as the year went on, but that’s probably the fermented eucalyptus leaves talking. Have a great New Year!