The mathematician in me keeps thinking about checking the numbers in regards to ‘who will finish on top’ and ‘who will make the top-4’… but he’s currently only conscious about 20 minutes a week so there’s nothing from him in this write-up. Having said that, the Anodes are two games clear with three games to go, so simple arithmetic helps there…
Sacrificial Anodes (96) def El Sereno Chica (90)
The Anodes preparation (in their secret training ground in the very rear aisle of Home Depot that no one can ever find) for this matchup was intense and a team effort was demanded. However, it seemed that only one player – LeSean ‘the real’ McCoy (150 yards, 2 TDs) – was awake and truly prepared to “rust, and rust hard”. Luckily, it was just enough to take down the emerging Chicas powerhouse, who got turned around in the Plumbing section and not even Calvin “Johnson and” Johnson (179 yards, 2 TDs) could find their way back out. A Home Depot staff member eventually led them back to the self-checkout area (where half their purchases wouldn’t swipe).
Da Gnomes (150) def Over Seasoned Vet (114)
Da Gnomes are back in town, Da Gnomes are back in town, ooh-00h, ooh-ooh. (It’s catchy if you commit to it). What a turn around for the world’s pointiest football brain – not only did they have three players above 20, including the surprising Bengal D (27 points including 2 TDs and a blocked kick), they also managed to take down a grey lion and perennial guru at the same time. The Over Seasoned Vet – after stealing fire from the heavens for number of seasons in a row – has fully incurred the wrath of the Football Gods. Perhaps he can take solace from the good call of picking up the long-shot ‘Tricky’ Nick Foles (345 yards, TD). Or maybe not.
Northern Aggression (133) def Seasoned Vets (108)
Never underestimate the effectiveness of a wide, rock-solid line of soldiers advancing across the field of battle, singing songs about how they’re going to eat your liver when they get to you. Northern Aggression completely dominated this matchup by simply having all players step forward together. Vincent “Van Go” Jackson (165 yards, TD) held the center, and held it well. It’s possible the Seasoned Vets have, by pure name association, been taken in down in the cross-fire meant for their over-seasoned counterpart. It’s also possible that they’ve encountered one puppy too many and have simply lost their edge. Ray ‘chicken and’ Rice (148 yards, TD) did his bit, but the puppy damage was already done.
Killer Koalas (94) def Sultans of Suck (93)
The Koalas went rope-a-dope on Sunday, leaning back and calmly watching the Sultan’s punches being easily absorbed into their fleshy, furry body. “Is that all you got?” shouted Tom ‘you hit like a lady’ Brady (299 yards, TD, INT). Then, when it came time for MNF, as he went on to pull off JUST enough for the win. The Sultans, emerging from the courthouse where the charges of throwing the game for a shady Albanian bookie had been finally dropped, asked to see footage to figure out what the firetruck had gone wrong. It was left to Robbie ‘the remote’ Griffin III (308 yards, 2 TDs, INT, FUM 2-PNT) to set up the AV equipment.
Three more rounds until the finals. Fourth spot remains very much open…
As does eighth…