The week was typified by lower scores, closer matchups, and a general feeling of being beaten to death by a large purple wiffle stick. This might be because we’re in the least interesting part of the season – it’s too late for a season changing comeback and too early for the playoff mathematicians to whip out their calculators – but there was undoubtedly a bit of ‘blah’ in the air.
El Sereno Chica (107) def Over Seasoned Vet (94)
The Chicas have been eating a lot of dinners at Miso Fly’s Chinese Restaurant lately and are on a serious roll – finding guidance through Sun Tzu and fortune cookies. This week the tiny scrap of paper said “To eat elephant, take one bite at a time”. Strange stuff, granted, but with a gaggle of players with 9-12 points, and one extra-hungry Calvin “Megaaatrrrron” Johnson (83 yards, 2 TDs), the elephant was suddenly gone. The Over Seasoned Vets – the elephant of this story – merely blinked and suddenly found their feet full of umbrellas, their tusks hanging from fireplaces, and their hide travelling in business class to several exotic locations around the globe. Pierre “Oui Oui” Garcon (119 yards, TD) was pretty pissed about it, but had to admit he had a good view out the starboard window.
Northern Aggression (88) def Da Gnomes (83)
A repeat matchup between brothers. With Thanksgiving just around the corner there was a lot riding on the result and… both choked. Somehow, the Aggressors managed a quick self-Heimlich maneuver on the corner of their living room sofa and spat out a large hunk of Braised Brandon Marshall (139 yards, 2 TDs), pulling off an inglorious win just in time for the holidays. Da Gnomes were not so lucky. The Fantasy Football CSI investigators were out at his place last night drawing the contorted outline of his team on the floor in front of his 72″ TV screen. Andre The Dwarf Johnson (37 yards, 2 TDs) was the only survivor.
Seasoned Vets (121) def Sultans of Suck (120)
Despite a valiant attempt to lose last night – in the third quarter the one-and-only Vets player left in the game still had negative yards – the Seasoned Vets decided they wanted to win again after all. With Peyton “Nobody, because nobody is perfect” Manning (330 yards, 4 TDs, FUM) back in the game, the line-up of pugs, poodles, and parakeets needing overpriced veterinarian care once again reaches out the door and down the street. The Sultans, in for a quick camel checkup, found that (despite three great performances) they had to hock their tents, their hookahs, and a couple of oil wells to pay the bill. They threw in Robbie Griffin Three (325 yards, 3 TDs) as a tip.
Sacrificial Anodes (112) def Killer Koalas (98)
Sure, this one went as expected. It was Top versus Bottom. Form versus Failure. Rusty Iron versus Sleeping Bear. But at the end of the day, this matchup was actually all about the quarterbacks. The Anodes had Drew Blood-On-Your-Face-While-Your-Were-Sleeping Brees (392 yards, 4 TDs), while the Koalas had Andrew Down-On-My Luck (370 yards, TD, 3 INT, 2-PNT, FUM). The point-differential between these two players was almost exactly the difference in the final team score. The Anodes were last seen racing off to the top of the table, while the Koalas took a totally undeserved nap.
Round 11 approaches, and only 2nd through 5th appears undecided…