It seems that the ‘call to arms’ for the three teams vying for the last two places in the finals fell on deaf, and slightly crusty, ears. All three lost again. Backing into the playoffs with double-losses is either strategic genius or the kiss of death…
Sultans of Suck 179 v Shawshank Redemption 164
Everyone loves a good spoiler, and the Sultans have risen from the murky depths of despair to actually win a few at the end of the season. I’m pretty sure they had no idea what they did differently from the previous 13 weeks, but certainly Brandon “US” Marshall (160 yards, TD) played his part. By losing this week, the Shanks, a dominating powerhouse for many years, misses the finals (and the pennant) for the first time in a long time. If you listen carefully, you might be able to hear the high pitched wailing drifting in on the wind… followed closely by the “there, there, it’ll be OK” condolences from Ben “I’ve a big one” Roethlisberger (316 yards, 3 TDs, INT, FUM). Sleep well Big Ben, both these teams are done for this year.
Da Gnomes 181 v Won and Done 148
Da Gnomes finish the season with a dominating win, the bells on their shoes tinkling in delight as they dance their way through the snowy streets. (Yes, they borrowed their shoes from the elves – same foot size). They got to open a present early – a very fine crocheted sweater with Adrian “still got my moves” Peterson (170 yards, 2 TDs) inside it. Very nice. As for the Won and Dones, they are struggling right now. Apart from “Banging my” Tom-Toms Brady (302 yards, 4 TDs), it was a very quiet, sad, subdued, and lackluster week for the Didn’t Win This One-ers. Next week is a REMATCH. Which present will the Gnomes open on the weekend? Will the Won-And-Dones get eggnog? Who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Killer Koalas 227 v Giallorossi 180
Ending the regular season with a hiss and a roar, the Koalas have embedded their name as the regular season champs. You might think that 128 yards and 3 TDs (thank you Mr Lynch) would be the guy engraving the cup, but he wasn’t even close. A massive 41 points came from the stylings of the Seattle Defense (yes, that team up in the north-west) -> 3 sacks, 4 INTs, 4 FUMs, 2 TDs, a shut-out, and a partridge in a pear tree. The Italian Bronze Medallions were right in the wheelhouse with the rest of the league, thanks mostly to Cam “son-of-Issac” Newton (403 yards, 3 TDs), but it simply was not a great day for a walk in the black forest. As per above, next week is also a REMATCH. The only question is will the fearsome fanged furry f-kers from the far heights be able to do it again, or will the Italians dodge the falling fridge and finally feast on the fresh fruity flesh of victory? Now that’s a tough f-ing question.
Good luck to all in the playoffs. Except for the Sultans and the Shanks, of course. Sorry.