The second-last round of the regular season… three teams vying for two spots in the finals… and all three of them lose? Coaches all over the world are tearing out their hair, kicking over trash cans, and letting spittle fly willy-nilly around the locker room. Next week will be a doozy.
Da Gnomes 170 v Giallorossi 153
Most of Da Gnomes – having already sewn up a place in the finals last week – went on a bit of a bender this week, wreaking havoc in bars, breweries and bawdy establishments all around their home town of Nittany. Luckily they designated a driver – Adrian “still kicking” Peterson (220 yards, TD) – to make sure they got home safely. Giallorossi, on the other hand, simply did not bring enough men to the party. The two empty chairs (a WR on IR, and an RB with a high-heel ankle injury) were the difference as the bill came to the table and, despite the efforts of Cam “Grand Slam” Newton (310 yards, 3 TDs), there simply weren’t enough wallets to cover it. The Italians are scrubbing dishes for the duration of the week…
Sultans of Suck 161 v Won and Done 158
Correct, that is NOT a typo. The Sultans have picked themselves off the ground and currently stand tall, proud, and slightly dusty on the winner’s side of the league. It’s been a tough season for the Sultans – the mild temperatures and lush vegetation of their home town has made them soft and weak. (Yes, this is deep and unabashed jealousy talking). Sure, they relied heavily on Tony “passing to my cronies” Romo (317 yards, 3 TDs), but this win has the potential to at least delay the long slide of a once formidable talent into a grape-eating, lolly-gagging, beach layabout. As for the Won And Dones, one can never underestimate their diligence to the game, though their were (literally) screwed over by a lack of (Andrew) Luck in this matchup. Instead of the 30+ points from the Indy QB, their best was 20 points from ex-Indy QB Peyton “what neck issue” Manning (237 yards, 3 TDs, INT).
Killer Koalas 230 v Shawshank Redemption 186
The Koalas decided to shave their furry heads into mohawks this week. Despite a few minor shaver-related injuries, many of the furry critters responded to the tactic by uncharacteristically leaping from the safety of their branches and ripping open the throats of the unsuspecting Redeemers passing by. With five players scoring over 18 points, but none higher than the 22 points from the Houston D (6 sacks, 3 INT, 3 FUM), it really was a week for the Koala Mohawk Bear Pack. The Redeemers did themselves proud, posting the second highest score of the week AND succumbing to the thrashing of the week. Tough sport, this one… even for their top scorer Calvin “we lost?” Johnson (171 yards, TD).
OK, one round left, and the three contenders for the final two slots in the playoffs are up against “someone else”. The Redeemers take on the dusty robes of the Sultans, the Won and Dones line up against the pointed hatted Gnomes, and Giallorossi need to keep an eye out for the chance of furry death from above. Good luck all.