In lieu of the weekend’s “signs from above”, it’s only fitting that this week’s writeup be in the vein of ‘I knew I was in trouble when…’ For example, who hasn’t said to themselves ‘I knew I was in trouble when my wife said how much she saved today… and then asked for help carrying bags from the car’. Or perhaps this one – ‘I knew I was in trouble when the man in the ski mask approached me in Albequerque, in June, disrupting my gold ingot juggling routine’. Regardless, at least half of us were in trouble this week…
Da Gnome 184 v Giallarossi 159
Another knee-biting win for everyone’s favorite lederhosen-wearing short fellas, Da Gnomes. They proved once again that many little hands make light work, with pretty much everyone pitching in to move that rubber-tree plant (while chanting ‘I think I can, I think I can’ over and over). Sure, it’s annoying, but Chatty Matty Ryan (280 yards, 3 TDs) and Co showed that it IS worth the temporary discomfort. As for the Italiano Bravados, well, they knew they were in trouble when the world gelato index dropped 10 points and Eli “not the real deal, I” Manning didn’t find the end zone at all this week. Sure, Dougy “but not the real Dougy” Martin (214 yards, 2 TDs) did his best, but when the world gelato index drops, all of Italy falls with it. That’s not amore.
Won and Done 182 v Sultans of Suck 174
The nailbiter of the round, where MNF actually mattered and several chickens were sacrificed by the Done Household in order to put the moxie on the Sultans, protect themselves from Fitzgerald, and fill their raging tum-tums with deliciousness. The Done’s succeeded on all fronts, relying heavily on extraordinarily effective ‘back to the future’ quarterback play from Tom “long in the tooth” Brady (307 yards, 4 TDs) and Peyton “crick in the neck” Manning (309 yards, 3 TDs). And the Sultans? They knew they were in trouble NOT because two fireballs of doom attempted to take out their home town on the weekend, but rather because the calendar said ‘Sunday’. And, frankly, that’s how the season has rolled for these luckless ones. The ‘but I tried hard Mama’ award goes to Tony “that call was baloney” Romo (437 yards, 2 TDs, 4 INT).
Killer Koalas 201 v Shawshank redmption 153
In Regular World, death is dealt by a dude in a black flowing cape and a large (purportedly rather sharp) gardening implement. In Bizarro World, the harbringer of doom is a small furry marsupial built in evolution’s playhouse of weirdness. The Killer Koalas – their small molars dripping with the holy nectar of eucalyptus – have triumphed once again. It was a big week for the fuzzballs, and none more fuzzy than Matt-the-cool-cat (cough, cough) Stafford (364 yards, 4 TDs, INT). The Redeemers came to play – their red hoods and angry eyes ready to blast anyone in their way. But they knew they were in trouble when they gazed directly into the mocha-colored eyes of the small creature in front of them… and found themselves nodding gently at the suggestion they ‘should just lie down here for a bit’. Last to fall asleep was Ben Dover Roethsliberger (228 yards, 3 TDs), but sleep he did.
Onwards and upwards (or is that ‘flaming and downwards’?) to Round 9!