We’re now seven weeks in -> it’s mid-life crisis time and most of the teams are starting to look a wee bit tired. Not Betty-White-after-a-big-night-on-the-schnapps tired, but there is definitely a few cracks, a few wrinkles, appearing along the edges. For some, these are referred to as “laugh lines”. For others, it’s “what the hell happened to my face”.
Da Gnomes 210 v Shawshank Redemption 191
Part of the beauty of being a Gnome (apart from the stylish hat, of course) is that when people say you have porcelain skin, they actually mean porcelain. Smooth and shiny, impervious to all but the hardiest of fungus, the exterior of your average Gnome is a wonder to behold. And Da Gnomes cemented themselves in second place this week with yet another league-topping score -> 11 players in double digits, Robert Hippo-Griffin III (347 yards, 2 TD, INT, FUM) in fine form, and ZERO points on the bench. As for the Shanks and their attempt at redemption, it seems that some more soul-searching (and botox) will be needed before they can lose the deep crevasses of Morgan Freeman’s forehead. In their defense, with all-but-one-guy on byes there wasn’t much ‘coaching’ to be done this week… and Drew “With Ease” Brees (378 yards, 4 TDs, INT) did pitch in… but sometimes the aging stick gets you between the eyes and that’s that.
Giallorossi 195 v Won and Done 159
Mature Italians come in, ahem, a wide variety of shapes and sizes… but one such size and shape is “Sophia Loren”, who makes a Ferrari look more like an accessory than the focal point. And when Sophia Loren – dressed in red, driving red – goes by you… well, let’s just say there’s not too much concern about your better days being behind you. Sure, maybe Giallarossi is a touch forgetful (Josh Freeman top-scored… on the bench), but there’s always a Vincent “show me the” Jacksons (216 yards, TD) to divert the attention. As for the Won-Hit-Wonders and the no-show of Branden Bolden-With-An-E, let’s hope that their “My Sharona” days aren’t behind them yet – especially given that Chris “Can’t Miss” Johnson (198 yards, 2 TDs) is hanging tough.
Killer Koalas 161 v Sultans of Suck 139
The past forty years of Koaladom has produced precisely three women of note – Elle McPherson, Olivia Newton John, and Nicole Kidman. Regardless of how creepy the Elle Newton Kidman science-experiment might seem on the surface(think curvaceous, alabaster skin, wrapped in tight leather pants with a restraining order against Tom Cruise), you have to agree it would make you stop dead in your tracks. Certainly that effect occured again this week, with the Koalas once again playing the lowest-scoring team and thereby winning by default. Don’t worry, they (and Aaron I’m-ba-ack Rodgers (342 yards, 3 TDs)) don’t feel bad about it. As for the Sultans-of-Swinging-For-The-Fences-In-Vain, well, there’s Victor Cruz-Ship-Singer (131 yards, TD) and then a whole lot of empty ocean covered in gnarly old weathered seadogs with bad breath and dead parrots on their shoulders… That is to say, the suck is back in the sultan.
Standings at the halfway mark of the regular season: