The ref lock-out is over, and the pace and the PARITY of the league has responded. I have no idea how (or why), but after three weeks of the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’; the ‘bold’ and the ‘shameful’; the ‘Scarlet Johanssons’ and the ‘Betty Whites’… suddenly a mere 28 points seperates the second-highest score from the lowest. Points from your backup kicker ACTUALLY MATTERED this week, and that (my friends) is just plain scary.
Shawshank Redemption 198 v Da Fury 170
The Shanks – a well-known malady for golfers around the globe – is an affliction that leaps out of the light rough, wraps it’s bony little fingers around your neck and squeezes you like an overripe grapefruit. The ShawShanks is fast following that modus operandi, with Drew-the-short-straw Brees (446 yards, 3 TDs) putting the winless, hapless, hopeless, luckless Furies out of their misery for the 4th time this season. The Furies – including Brandon “I shot the” Marshall (138 yards, TD) – played as best they could, though they should probably revisit their ‘must play a Nate’ rule (Nate Kaeding, sore groin, 0 points) if they want to compete in the future.
Won and Done 224 v Da Gnomes 188
The Won and Dones lied to us. They are not done. In fact, they are the exact opposite of ‘done’, which is (I think) something a bit like ‘just getting started’. Like old wine that’s had some time to breathe in the decanter, all of a sudden there’s some complexity, some style, some substance to their lineup. The classic QB vintages of Tom “hint of raspberry” Brady (344 yards, 4 TDs) and Peyton “vanilla oak” Manning (337 yards, 3 TDs) delighted the palate this week. On the flip side, Da Gnomes fell for the first time this season. Horribly drunk and unable to see straight, they fell asleep under a giant red and white mushroom. Matt “put a pie in” Ryan (369 yards, 3 TDs, INT) drove them home, cursing the whole way.
Killer Koalas 189 v Giallorossi 178
The Koalas learnt their lesson well from last week and, instead of attempting the cliqued “refrigerator to the head” trick, this week they invested in a 48″ Wolf Gas Oven Range instead and knocked up some delicious Italian food for dinner. Freshly ground garlic, diced tomatoes, San Fran D (3 sacks, 3 FUM, INT, TD, blocked kick) and Aaron “skin of my teeth” Rodgers (332 yards, 4 TDs, INT) had the forest smelling delicious. Giallorossi, drooling as they wandered the trails with Cam “thankyou Ma’am” Newton (301 yards, 3 TDs), were caught completely by surprise by the subsequent “oven to the head” trick. Ah, there’s nothing quite like having some range in your attacking options.
Another week down and we have three 3-and-1 teams (thanks mostly to Nate) as we head into end of the first full cycle of matchups. Enjoy!