Bigger, badder, bolder – this year’s GIS mini-league is proving to be chock full of ‘b’ words.
First, bigger. Not only was a new West Coast Fantasy Football record score compiled over the weekend, it also came face-to-face with the league’s lowest score of the season, providing us with the biggest shelacking in GIS football history…
Da Gnomes 258 v Shawshank Redemption 119
A guy walked into a bar asked if anyone could break a 20. Four Gnomes stood up (though it was hard to tell) and said ‘sure, no problem’. Reggie “eatin’ my veggies” Bush jumped up on a table and shouted “That’s nothing, I can break a 30!”. OK, so he’s not too smart, but he did pull in 197 yards and 2 TDs, so everyone just shouted encouragement and bought him some more sasparilla. The man smiled, looked in his wallet and said “Aw crap, I got nothing.” The music stopped – the Redemeer had come to the bar with nothing but a slight Brees (325 yards, 2 TD, 2 INT) in his pocket and, frankly, everyone was just a tiny bit embarrassed for him.
Next, badder. Otherwise known as the ability of Yahoo to predict scores. A game that was meant to have a mere 11-point spread ended up with a 77-point differential. Nostradamus has left the building… and he’s forgotten where he parked his car.
Giallorossi 236 v Won and Done 159
This matchup of two first-round losers (no offense) was meant to be a nail-biter, but when more than three quarters of the Italian Male Population visited the spa this week to get the ‘manly manicure special’ and score in the double-figures… well, let’s just say there was very little biting and whole lot of clear nail gloss. The title of prettiest (yet manly) nails went to Eli “dry your nails by fanning” Manning (510 yards, 3 TDs, 3 INTs). Meanwhile, out on the street begging for change to buy a time machine for his suddenly very ‘retro’ looking QB combo, the Won’n’Done’s – and top can-shaker Dwayne “parking lane” Bowe (102 yards, 2 TDs) – can only hope that because they’ve not won, they certainly can’t be done. (Can they?)
And finally, bolder. The Killer Koalas looked at their undeserving win last week and figured what the hell, let’s see if we can get away with it again. After a quick trip to Lowe’s (and another 90-day layaway on a titanium 32 cu ft french-door refrigerator), they clambered slowly back up their gum tree and waited. Boldly.
Killer Koalas 181 v Da Fury 155
“Furry Death From Heaven” rained down once more this weekend, with Trent “who?” Richardson (145 yards, 2 TDs) riding the Kelvinator 1000 all the way down to the soft forest floor. It mattered not that the QB’s were asleep, nor that a TE was MIA, not even that all three of the ‘starting WR’s’ were outscored by one of the backups. The only thing that mattered was that the landing of the Kelvinator 1000, much like Dorothy’s house, was greatly softened by the warm body upon which it landed. Da Furies – with the possible exception of Victor “I hate to lose” Cruz (179 yards, TD) – had forgotten the golden rule of the forest – always look up or koalas drop crap on you.
Thank you, gentlemen. See you on the forest of battle next week, and may you keep a close eye on your toes.