Only one team in triple digits… Yep, the Bye weeks are here.
#1: Despite a great showing from their top-3, the Duck Boats have once again proven beyond all reasonable doubt that someone out there hates them. they drop to 0-and-6 while, the Geckos – with their cute smiles, lucrative endorsements from insurance carriers, and Aaron Rodgers (331 yards, 3 TDs, INT) – continue to shine like a sparkly disco ball in a discoteque. Yep, they’re Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive. [Geckos 83, Get the Duck Boats Ready 77]
#2: The bigger they are, the harder they fall, and right now there is a Miracle-shaped hole in the ground… with a polite and orderly Queue formed above it. The understated Queue’s didn’t even bother getting a marquee player, instead relying on the Bengals (?!) Defense – TD plus a smattering of other defensive thingies – as their top scorer. Deep underground, in his Wile Coyote inspired hole in the ground, The Miracles are still whimpering. [Queues Likely 72, Festivus Miracles 49]
#3: “QB? We don’t need no steenkin’ QB!” These brave words from Big Neon Poncho were considered ludicrous before the matchup, but how true they turned out to be. With Philip “rolling on the” Rivers out on a Bye, the Neons simply reaped in huge points from Ahmad Bradshaw (130 yards, 3 TDs) and completely dominated the Bad and Ugly Furies (‘Good’ apparently had the weekend off to go fishing with Rivers). [Big Neon Glitter 94, Da Fury 61]
#4: The Ants straightened up their bent feelers, picked up a rubber tree plant, and boldly climbed right over the Rocks for a major victory for Formicidaens everywhere. Michael ‘Queen Ant’ Turner (147 yards, 2 TDs) was inspirational in leading the colony forward, while the two Plymouth players with negative scores this week now lie in a shallow grave somewhere in rural Maine. [The Ants 98, Plymouth Rocks 68]
#5: The AMacs were the one-and-only triple threat this week, as they threw, ran and defended their way into the 100’s (albeit, only just). Leading the way was Fred “Not Dead” Jackson (168 yards, TD), who donned a cast iron cup and took down key in-division rival, The Celtic Groin Crushers (who apparently injured a knee in the game somehow). [The AMac 100, Celtic FC 65]
#6: The Battle of the Battlers, the Fight of the Fewly Won, the Clash of the Teeny Titans – all titles given to this week’s matchup of these two 1-and-4 teams, and it didn’t disappoint. Kicker Billy Cundiff (5 FG, 2 XP) turned out to be the deciding factor as the All Stars dug deep and found a way to outshine the hearing-impaired Saints what? Saints. Both these teams are fast running out of time (and other 1-and-x teams to play) this season… [JR All Stars 76, Saints saints 69]
#7: A draw! Oh, and with such low scores! The Cancers took the calculated gamble of not givning up a precious bench spot for a lowly kicker, and boy are they kicking themselves now. On the flip side, the Gnomes went with their hollow clay-wrapped gut which said that Addai’s ‘questionable’ status was greatly exaggerated, only to discover that the Colts don’t lie (or win). [Clubhouse Cancers 61, Nittany Gnomes 61]
#8: The king is dead, choked to death as a not-quite-baked-calimari grabbed on to his esophagus on the way down. Yes, the league’s only remaining undefeated team is no more, as Giallorossi’s sense of timing finally faltered. The Ockies, despite the thick layer of delicious beer batter coating their bodies, came good at the right time to remain at least somewhat competitive in the boiler room that is League Black. [Blue-ring Ockies 76, Giallorossi 61]
Team of the Week: The AMac (100)
Unofficial Team Motto: Never turn your back on the AMac, Jack.