Week 1 – Results

The Esri football league is up and running once more, and this season is bigger, better, faster, fitter, sweeter and swankier than ever before.  Why? Because it’s nearly double the size, with 16 players chasing the title for 2011…

In response, the blog is leaner, meaner, shorter and (ahem) lazier. Results:

#1: The Miracles take an ax to the Duck Boats, fill them to the gunnels with several sacks of Ray Rice (159 yards, 2 TDs) and send the whole shebang to the bottom of the swamp. [Festivus Miracles 108, Get The Duck Boats Ready 69]

#2: The Celtic druids pulled on their wool tunics, dusted off their shiny runes and, with unrelenting vigor provided by LeSean McCoy (137 yard, 2 TDs), did rid their huts and hillforts of the evil plague of Geckos.  [Portland Celctic FC 84, Geckos 81]

#3: It is said that alternatively that the Giallorossi are the most expensive football team in Italy, or God’s gift to Italian football. This week they can add “a Football God favorite” to their list as they milked Forte dry (158 yards, TD) and eked out a barely-there win over the I’m-not-shouting ALL STARS (Jnr). [Giallorossi 81, JR All Stars 77]

#4: As predicted, the inaugral Battle of Boston between the Angry Ants and the AMac Burger went down to the wire. In the end – with thanks to Steve Smith #17B of Carolina (178 yards, 2 TDs) – it was the pincers, the six legs, and the dusty pheremones of the Ants that came out on top.  [Ants Marching 97, The AMac 91]

#5: The Likelies leverage the bouncer skills of Man Mountain Mike Tolbert (93 yards, 3 TDs) to make everyone stand in line, including the seasick patrons arriving at Plymouth Rock.  No, Tom, not even 500+ yards will get you to front of the line. [Queues Likely 102 , Plymouth Rocks 87]

#6: There’s an old saying in Nittany – “we don’t like Saints around here, so bugger off so we can get pissed”. It’s one of their more poetic sayings, and Mr Vick (284 total yards, 2 TDs, FUM) ensured it would live another day. [Nittany Gnomes 90, Saints saints 49]

#7: The Clubhouse can be full of jocks, socks, dancers and “cancers”. The latter refers to the self-absorbed, the glorified, the self-lovers of unholy proportions, and this week their representatives – including Drew Brees (422 total yards, 3 TDs) – made short work of Da game-hath-no-Fury. [Clubhouse Cancers 91, Da Fury 60]

 #8: With razzle, dazzle, and a fully loaded bedazzler – the Big Neon Glitter show came to town, and boy are they SHINY. A stupendous outing by Wes Welker (160 yards, 2 TDs) puts the Ockies into the all-you-can-eat calamari bucket. [Big Neon Glitter 102, Blue-ringed Ockies 95]

TEAM OF THE WEEK: Festivus Miracles (108).

UNOFFICIAL TEAM MOTTO: Where there’s a festivus, there’s a miracle (especially in the running backs)…

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