Round 14

The regular season ends and, as expected, very little changed in the league as a result. It is worth noting that the three lowest scores this week were from teams that were 1st, 2nd and 3rd on the ladder, which implies either a well-timed “rest week”, or undeserving league leaders. Given my place within that group, I make no judgment in either direction…

The valiant Italian Scallions (99) finally found their inner fight club this week and managed to hold on to the win (and therefore LEAP into 9th place). The main contributor was the 25-point Steelers Defense (3 Sacks, 3 INTs, 2 TDs), though stalwart Drew “Knuckles” Brees (221 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INTs) also swung his fists about. As for the poor old Gnomes (93), playing for pride and finding nothing but more lint in their belly buttons, they’re just glad to see the end of the season. A huge final game from Chris “Shorty” Johnson (179 yards, TD) simply wasn’t enough.

In the all-important 3rd versus 4th matchup – the winner would NOT play the Miracles in the first playoff round – it was the Troops (133) who came through. With top score of the week, and their 8th victory in a row, there is fear a-trembling in the top 4 tonight. Just to mix it up, top score was NOT Vick this week, but rather Michael “After-Burner” Turner (124 yards, 3 TDs) who lit up the weekend. At the other end of the scale, with the 3rd lowest score of the week, stand the suddenly very tired-looking Ants (78). Apart from Knowshon “energizer bunny” Moreno (113 yards, TD), they looked like a team in search of a cerveza on some deserted Mexican beach. They’ll need some tequila before next week’s game against the Miracles…

The Cover Jinxes (107) managed to get a few good jabs into the face of the Swine Flu (84), who have spent the latter half of the season reeling about like a drunkard, and the once mighty force of the league is quelled once again. The Jinxes employed DeSean “Haymaker” Jackson (216 yards, TD) to good effect, and they hold on to their 8th spot on the ladder with ease. The Flu, meanwhile, have to eye up some resurgent middle teams and see if they can at least get back up to a 5th-place finish. It might help if their top-scorer (Deion Branch, 151 yards, TD) gets off the bench…

The Salamanders (118) finished the regular season with a hiss and a roar, their reptilian features suddenly more reminiscent of a dragon than, well, a salamander. A lot of their returned vim-and-vigor lies with Peyton’s arm, but it was actually Darren “downhill” McFadden (209 yards, 3 TDs) that returned the roar to their tiny throats. As for the poor old Tromp-a-lots (100), only 3 teams outscored them this week and they were unfortunate enough to be in the way. Despite the loss, and subsequent drop… all… the… way… to the basement of the league, it’s worth mentioning the fine effort given by Andre “I didn’t want a nap” Johnson (140 yards, 2 TDs).

There is a movement afoot to declare the Jelly’s (73) tentacles of doom as weapons of mass destruction, and therefore illegal in the field of fantasy football. If you look back against their opponents for the season, only once has an opponent broken 100 points against them and that’s got to be amoral (if nothing else). With no players of note, and a 6-game winning streak anyway, it’s perhaps understandable that their opponents, the Miracles (64), fell under their spell and had their lowest score of the season (by 34 points). Still, it’s the finals that matter and the Miracles are long-time veterans of that game.

So, on to the finals we go. Of note in the top 4:

–          The Miracles have lost to only three teams all season… and all three of those teams are in the top 4.

–          The first round final between the Troops and the Jellies will see a combined 14-game winning streak come to an end.

–          After 6 rounds, the Troops were 1-and-5 and the Ants were 2-and-4. Talk about comeback kids…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s