Given I was out riding motorcycles through the Mojave for 4 days this week, Round 7’s write-up is going to be very Reese Witherspoon (short and sweet)…
The Festivus Miracles (104) continue their regrouping mission and completely destroy the lackluster, apathetic, listless, lifeless Tromps (69). For the Miracles, 6 guys got to double digits, with top dog being Adrian “Balboa” Peterson (172 yards, TD). For the Tromps, the top scorer was Hakeem “I’m still here El Guapo” Nicks (108 yards, 2 TDs), though this valiant effort was somewhat thwarted by Pierre “no ankle” Thomas STILL getting a guernsey despite this being his FOURTH week of zero points.
The Swine Flu (85) struck again this week – its ability to attack only the weak is now almost legendary. Top scorer was Hines “insane” Ward (131 yards, TD). Giallorossi (76), the unfortunate victim this week, had only 3 guys in double digits, one of which was the kicker. Top dude was Drew “sniffing glue” Brees (356 yards, 2 TDs, 4 INTs).
King Louie’s Troops (127) swung in on vines and, using WAY too much force, squished the Gnomes (75) into oblivion. While I’m sure the Troops would have loved to have kept 50 or so points for next week, no doubt their smile is plastered all over their face (much like the Raiders). Top guy was Roddy “the body” White (201 yards, 2 TDs, 2-ONT, FUM). For the Gnomes, it wasn’t meant to be, though signs of life were shown by Percy “I’m starvin’” Harvin (106 yards, TD).
The Salamanders (109) also slithered their way back up the ladder this week, as Cover Jinxes (99) continued their sad tradition of inspiring the OTHER team to big scores. For the Salamanders, it was everyone’s favorite little brother Eli Manning (305 yards, 4 TDs, 3 INTs) who showed the on-field team how it was done. We won’t mention the off-field 43-points by Darren “McLaren” McFadden (196 yards, 4 TDs). For the Jinxes, Carson “the embalmer” Palmer (412 yards, 3 TDs) did his best…
The sight of Ants Marching (92) across the Brazilian rainforest is enough to turn anyone to jelly, even those who are already made of jelly, like the Box Jellyfishers (85). The collection of just-enough-points by the Ants was assisted by Knowshon “body lotion” Moreno (90 yards, 2 TDs). For the Jellies, it was Anquan “golden” Boldin (92 yards, TD) who helped with points, and Tony “broken collarbone” Romo who helped with NOT getting points.
Good luck to all for Round 8!