Round 6

Interestingly, the top 3 scores of Round 6 reflect (in order) the top 3 positions on the ladder. I smell a conspiracy theory…

Here’s Johnny – the Miracles smash through the Flu’s flimsy door (111 v 73)

– After weeks of slow sliding back to the pack, the Festivus Miracles have regained their mojo and once again head back to their familiar place as the high-score of the week.  Like an afternoon rain in the tropics, the normalcy makes everyone feel good.  The Swine Flu, on the other hand, failed to impress this week and once again lose to their arch-nemesis.

– At the risk of being overly dramatic, the Miracles were simply destined to win this week.  With three guys on byes, a quick glance across their limited (but well-performing) bench suggests that it was actually impossible for them to lose.  Top scorer was Ben “tarnished” Roethlisberger (262 yards, 3 TDs, INT).  He was followed so closely by Arian “better than beer” Foster (97 yards, 2 TDs) that they might have been wearing the same set of trousers. The Miracles are ba-ack…   

– The Swine Flu, long reliant upon the power of the swarming middling scores, were instead beset by limping lame scores this week.  Even with unrequited Favre-love on the decline (he was wisely benched this week), there was little to be excited about.  Top scorer was Captain Picard-Rashard Mendenhall (99 yards, TD), and it was all empty space after that. While still 4-and-2, the Flu drop to 5th position, based on their lower seasonal point total.  Winter is coming. Can the flu inspire fear once more?

The Gnomes fall gracefully and delicately crush the luckless Ants (105 v 100)

– Yahoo predicted that the Gnomes (courtesy of Chris Johnson) would sneak into the lead on MNF, and they were right.  The Nittany Gnomes still dropped some points from the previous week, but a little less than usual, and they kept the leak slow enough to still take down the league’s most-scored-against team, the two-stepping Ants.  I swear I could hear the foul-mouthed cursing drifting in from the east coast during that game…

– The Nittany Gnomes threw a WR into the flex position and it paid off handsomely.  Not only is Jeremy “pinup” Maclin (159 yards, 2 TDs) a very attractive fellow who has caught eye of Kevin Kolb, his team picture looks eerily like a young LT…  Then, on MNF, everyone’s favorite team player Chris “show me your” Johnson (131 yards, TD) came through big time. The Gnomes move to 4-and-2 and 2nd position…

– The Ants may need to repaint the ground with their little pheromone trails because the poor little buggers have been going around in circles lately. Sure, they can carry 43 times their own body weight, but they just can’t seem to hit the right team on the right week. It was the WR choice that let them down this week – two of the three WR’s on the bench had enough unused points to win this matchup.  Top scorer on the field was Aaron “why can’t we win” Rodgers (327 yards, 2 TDs, INT), whose individual high score, while still losing, closely mirrors the Ants modus operandi…

The Salamanders slither past King Louie’s Troops (nee Fury)  (80 v 75)

– The Salamanders didn’t need much on MNF to get the win this week, and they did exactly that – not much.  Still, a low scoring, stumbling win still counts for the ‘W’ column and perhaps it actually shows good pacing for future matches. King Louie’s hairy Troops, on the other hand, attempted to use the old rebranding technique, presumably to throw off their lingering bad luck.  It failed.

– Not too much to report on the Salamander side, in regards to high scoring players, but as usual the old faithful Peyton “shopping channel” Manning (306 yards, 2 TDs, FUM) came to town.  Next best score was more unexpected – Thomas “the tank engine” Jones (110 yards, TD) burst out of the gates and gave the Fat Controller something to think about.  Overall it was a case of doing just enough for the win, a lesson the Ants would really like to learn.

– After a tough 1-and-4 start, it’s easy to see how Da Fury (a multi-year stalwart name) might be lured into trying anything, including a renaming, to get some traction, but it simply wasn’t effective. Top scorer on the field was Calvin “Klein” Johnson (146 yards, TD), but both Kevin Kolb’s breakout game and Gostkowski’s 3 field-goal game (either of which would have won it for the Troops) were wasted on the bench.  King Louie rules the ruins, but that’s mostly because no-one else wants them.

The Covers are pulled up for a cozy win over the Tromps (79 v 65)

– The Cover Jinxes, quite frankly, left many points on the bench this week.  But it didn’t matter because everyone chipped in just enough to lift the Cover Jinxes up and over the Tromps. The Tromps, on the other hand, were finally penalized by their habit of leaving non-playing players playing…

– The Cover Jinxes have struggled with their clairvoyancy skills all season, and this week was no exception with their top scorer Dwayne “to the pain” Bowe (108 yards, 2 TDs) sitting on the bench.  To add a slight hint of jinxing to their cover, their actual on-field top scorer – DeSean “headache” Jackson (78 yards, 2 TDs) – took a monster hit on Sunday and is expected to miss a week or two in recovery.   Still, a win is a win, regardless of the cost (don’t tell Pyrrhic), and they lift themselves just a few places clear of the bottom of the table.

– The Tromps were on a roll – just play the team and don’t bother with any of that pesky team schedule or injury reports.  It WAS working fine and we all know that living in the future (and the whole water-spinning-the-other-way thing) can be distracting, but at some point you DO have to pay the piper. Top scorer was Andre “not a giant” Johnson (138 yards, TD), and low scorer was Pierre “sitting on my derriere” Thomas (0 yards, 0 TDs, 1 working ankle).   The net effect?  Loss.

The Box Jellyfishers drown the Gilliarossi in 4 inches of water (102 v 98)

– Domination of a team is optional in fantasy football, provided you get the win.  And the Jellyfish certainly went in the non-dominating direction this week in what was ultimately the closest match of the round.  Unfortunately for the prosciutto-eating, latte-slurping Giallorossians, they were at the wrong end of that very fine loss, though their relatively high score does lift them into 9th place on countback…

– Jellyfish have tentacles, and (with remarkably little imagination) you could envisage them as hundreds of little legs, pumping their way through a defense.  And with a total of 48 points from three RB’s – special mention to LT (67 yards 2 TDs) – it’s fair to suggest that Jellyfish can at least IMAGINE themselves as sprinters.  And when you have a QB joining in – Tony “still, technically, a loser” Romo (251 yards 3 TDs, 2 INTs) – life can be good drifting in the currents.  Run, little jellies, run.

– Gilliarossi, as a manager, played the perfect game.  Sure, 5 guys on byes or injuries helps, but there was nary a point left unused this week.  Nice work.  Of course, it’s a bit like saying that the bright side of taking your sister to the prom was that other guys thought she was hot.  Still, there’s always hope that top scorer Drew “like a summer” Brees (265 yards, 3 TDs, INT) will come to the party again next week, and bring along a spare date.

Round 7 approaches and, believe it or not, the backside of the fantasy football season will be right behind it.  I hope it’s wearing pants.

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