As expected, there were no changes on MNF and Round 3 is best described as ‘the week of minimal drama’…
The Miracles blow raspberries from one end of the bell curve to Da Fury at the other (119 v 110)
– After back-to-back #1 scores, the Miracles had to make do with the second-highest score this week. Despite this leaving (for the first time this season) the door open to a possible loss, Da Fury knocked politely but were simply unable to get inside. This leaves the Miracles as the league’s only 3-and-0 team, and Da Fury as the only 0-and-3 team.
– Festivus’s pedestal remains tall, strong, and elevated high above the competition. Once again Adrian “son of a” Peterson (190 yards, 2 TDs) was a top contributor, proof positive that the first draft pick CAN pay off after all. Throw in a bit of Brandon “breakout” Marshall (169 yards, TD) and you’ve got yourself a nice little stack of polished marble to pile under your rear end…
– Da Fury have been scrambling to rebuild, after Yahoo auto-drafted a team embarrassingly low on vim, vigor, vitality and viability. The Furies’ outing this week suggests that they may get their first win soon… The pickup of Michael “the charges stick” Vick (321 yards. 4 TDs) has been a key improvement, but their management skills (case in point: more than enough points on the bench to win this one) remains the challenge to success.
The Gnomes get a clean bill of health and leave the magazine Covers scattered about (133 v 73)
– The Gnomes had a doctor’s visit this week, where they read the magazine from cover to cover, finished the cryptic crossword puzzle (using a pen), and then happily jogged 10 miles home. The Covers, on the other hand, were left behind to be gnawed on by impatient 3-year olds with snotty noses.
– The Nittany Gnomes have recovered quickly from last week’s sprained neck at the art museum, and ripped out the high score of the week. With 4 players in the 20’s, they even have the feel of a champion team. Cream of the crop were Chris “never miss” Johnson (125 yards, 2 TDs) and Tom “Bill-killer” Brady (258 yards, 3 TDs). The only down side to the weekend for the Gnomes has to be their fantasy success (Brady) triumphing over their jersey-wearing (Bills)… No-one sympathizes.
– The Cover Jinxes started MNF 69 points behind and finished 60 points behind, completing the round with a score only slightly above half the points they scored last week. Talk about a team with a curl in the middle of their forehead (when they were good they were very, very good, but when they were bad)… Only DeSean “sheep” Jackson (161 yards, TD) showed any signs of life this week and, with the Jellyfishers coming up next week, we have to hope it’s not a cyclical pattern of cold-hot-cold-hot…
Giallorossi’s Collie dog rounds up the Ants (118 v 81)
– Giallorossi broke through this week with their first win of the season. After last season’s self-destructive start, they might actually be cultivating some hope in the top paddock this year. The Ants, however, have blown their promising start and are in a flat spin heading out to sea. Time to punch out?
– Giallorossi brought his dog-training whistle to the game this weekend, with Austin “woof woof” Collie responding well with 171 yards and 2 TDs. Drew “maybe you saw me on 60 minutes” Brees (365 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INT) also contributed, though I am sure the New Orleans loss is diluting his joy of being a good contributor to Giallorossi’s personal glory. Can the Doug Whisperer teach his team new tricks next week, too?
– The Ants are in free-fall. Will their exoskeleton skins protect them when they rebound from rock bottom, or will they be stuck in a pit they simply cannot escape from? Based on this week, their only chance to get back up into the forest again will be on the broad shoulders of Aaron “Favre who?” Rodgers (336 yards, 2 TDs, INT). I’m certain that the collective’s mandibles are already hard at work on the non-performers…
The Swine Flu epidemic spreads – Salamanders panic (95 v 80)
– The Swine Flu has again used its power of aggregated mathematics to overwhelm an unsuspecting opponent. While the Salamanders top-two outscored the Flu’s top-two by more than 6 points, the remainder of the Flu’s contributors chipped in more than enough points to take down the reptilian challengers.
– The Swine Flu have found their mojo and are happily floating around the office being sneezed from one game to the next. Rashard “gimme the ball” Mendenhall (146 yards, TD) top-scored, with Randy “fine and dandy” Moss (42 yards, 2 TDs) coming in a close second. We won’t mention how much more he could have won if he’d played Mark “Phil’s younger brother” Sanchez over Brett “WR’s starting to starve” Favre… Some tough calls in the Flu’s future.
– The Salamanders. Green, slimy, eye-ball licking amphibians. And that’s just the wide-outs. A tough result for them, considering everyone’s favorite purveyor of quality goods – Peyton Manning (324 yards, 3 TDs) – had another blinder. Even the existence of a Raiders running game (long believed to be extinct) – McFadden (122 yards, TD) – failed to get them over the top. This is the first loss for the Salamanders and it will be interesting to see if their cold blood boils over for week 4…
The Jellies chomp the Tromps in a southern hemisphere romp (95 v 80)
– The Box Jellyfishers finally had some dinner this week, with a deserved win that relied almost solely on a freaky week from one player. Better to have a champion on your team than to cultivate team spirit, right? Or is that politics? Anyway, the Tromps were simply unable to compete as this week’s “pattern” of 6’s and 9’s (7 of their 9 players had one of those two scores) failed to mesmerize the sightless Jellies. Rock beats scissors, right?
– It seems clear that the Box Jellyfishers must have spent the first two rounds scouring the wrong end of the ocean. Once they got back to their native hunting ground (on the south side of the equator) all was well. Of course, it helped that Anquan “ka-boom” Boldin (142 yards, 3 TDs) was there with a stick of fisherman’s dynamite, and Tony “ka-bam” Romo (284 yards, 2 TDs) was there to sweep up the floating debris. It will be interesting to see if the “super-hero” fantasy football technique will remain viable in future weeks…
– The Tromps sadly underperformed against their predicted points this week and never really threatened to win. Only Philip “how did I lose with these stats” Rivers (457 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs, 2-PNT) even attempted to drag the team out of the artist studio and on to the field. Perhaps they were caught up in the fever of a drawn Aussie Rules Grand Final. Perhaps their muse was drunk under the table. Whatever the case, their short unbeaten run is over and they’ll need a swift recovery moving forward.
Come on week 4!