Round 12

While most games still have players to come this evening, the chances of a change in the predicted results are minimal.  MNF ratings are expected to decline in response…

Le Trompets signal the end (again!) of the Miracles (91 v 68)

–          Le Trompets emerge from NOWHERE to bring the jolly green giant to his knees – there’ll be dancing in the streets of Melbourne tonight. Meanwhile, the Miracles can only reflect on their decision, three weeks ago, to gently ponder a theory that maybe a loss or two would get the New England “perfect monkey” off their back. It now seems they’ve developed a taste for losing – this makes it three in a row…

–          How did the lowest-overall-points team wallop the highest-overall-points team? With plenty of gas in the tank – their #1 WR still to come tonight – Le Tromps simply lived up to their Yahoo predicted scores across the board. Top points came from Philip Rivers (321 yards, 2 TDs) and Aaaaaadrrrriiiian “I play with Favre” Peterson (103 yards, TD, FUM).  Nothing fancy, but a fully contributing team had more than enough for this one.

–          Perhaps the Doug-like loss last week (2nd top score beaten by the top score, on MNF) has taken its toll on the Miracles, as this was their worst performance of the season by almost 20 points.  Frankly, the team put on the field just sucked lemons this week – only Aaron Rodgers (353 yards, 3 TDs, FUM) is really worthy of mention. To add some salt, there were a TON of points left on the bench in nearly all positions.  Of particular concern for the free-falling table leader is the decision to play Jason Snelling (8 yards, FUM), while both of his benched RBs scored double digits…

The Practice Squad look to take the match on MNF, as Thunder (finally) plays a full team (72 v 77)

–          It’s not often that the currently-behind team gets the headline, but with a fairly decent WR and a DEF still to come in MNF and only 5 points to make up, it seems like a fairly safe call.  The Squad are riding high as they continue their march up the standings, while Thunder’s lower scoring (yet well-timed) victories seem to be deserting him.  At least they checked the team roster this week and everyone contributed (a few) points.

–          The Practice Squad are entering the final stretch at a gallop. Some big scores, some big wins, and then a little touch of luck when needed.  Top scorer of the week was somewhat unexpected – Miles Austin (145 yards, TD) – with support from the more traditional big-hitter Matt “a little bit of everything” Schaub (290 yards, 2 TD, 2 INTs, FUM).  With the NE defense and Randy Moss coming tonight, a win here is almost a foregone conclusion – and would push the Squad into the same 9-and-3 echelon as the Miracles.

–          The good news is that Thunderball can now correctly identify what “IR” means, and he played a full team this week. The bad news was that his team played poorly.  The top contributors – Peyton “ad campaign” Manning (242 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INT) and Ricky “urine sample” Williams (115 yards, TD, INT) – did great, there just weren’t any supporting cast members on the field.  While safe in the #4 spot on the table for at least another week – the contenders below him are still a game away – his continuation into the Finals is not a given any more…

The Gnomes have the Sorority surrounded, and they’re smiling (100 v 51)

–          This was an important matchup between two evenly matched middle-class citizens, with the winner being able to get into range to challenge for the 4th spot on the ladder. And it was the Gnomes who got to stand tall, taking an enormous, un-Gnome-like lead into MNF.  The Sophomores, despite have a couple of key contributors left to play tonight, are simply too far back to have a serious chance…

–          The Gnomes had a couple of 20-plus scores – the Yahoo-anticipated Chris Johnson (186 yards, TD) and the Yahoo-kind-of-anticipated Tony “all roads lead to me, baby” Romo (308 yards, 2 TDs).  While the rest of the team was hit-and-miss, the Gnomes still have Shockey coming tonight.  The Gnomes can now lazily whittle away the evening fishing for giant minnows in their pond, confident they’re sleeping tonight as winners.

–          The Sophomores can’t make up their mind – stand tall, or slump.  This week they went for door number two, with their only double-digit score thus far coming from the boot of kicker David Akers (4 FGs, PAT).  In case you’re from Neptune, or New Zealand, you should know that you never, ever want your number one guy to be a kicker.  In fairness to the Slumps, their QB and DEF are yet to come, but to say that this one is a bridge too far would be like saying Doug has been a bit low on luck this year…

The GotaBeats get it all together while Da Fury chases a 20+ FG performance (143 v 69)

–          Top score of the round is an awe-inspiring, Larry-chilling 143 from the GotaBeats. This score, coupled with the low round from the Miracles, will push the GotaBeats well into 3rd position and within a whisker of becoming the top-point-scorer of the league.  The Fury, mustering only a whimper this week, still have their kicker to come tonight – so they’re only about 20 field goals from being able to pull this one off.

–          The GotaBeats are pulling it together at the right time – maybe they’ll even be able to keep it up when they run up against their nemesis in the finals.  Part of their reason for success is faith in the tired old arm of Brett “like a fine wine” Favre (392 yards, 3 TDs), who was given more than adequate assistance from Antonio “shut the” Gates (118 yards, 2 TDs). With a score this big, you know other guys had huge games (both the DEF and a WR also topped 20) but, sadly, due to space constraints they don’t get a writeup.  Life’s tough at the top.

–          While Da Fury didn’t play any drug-offenders this week, I think the point here is that he didn’t play any CONVICTED drug-offenders.  I mean, apart from Donovan “like a 2-day old Minestrone” McNabb (258 yards, TD, INT, 2-PT), the team must have been involved in an all-day illicit substance event on Saturday.  This debacle leaves them at 6-and-6, one game behind 4th, so perhaps an increase in focus is coming soon…?

Battle of the cursed heads into MNF, with Giallorossi pushing the Lemmings towards the cliff (88 v 80)

–          While both Giallorossi and the Lemmings would love to win SOMETHING this season – even if it is only the title of the most-cursed – it seems that nothing can come easy to either of them.  With an 8-point lead and one player to come tonight, Giallorossi might be feeling confident.  But the Lemmings have two players to come, including their QB, so maybe (just quietly) they’re feeling pretty good, too.  On the line will be (oooh, aaaah) the lucrative 8th position. Either way, MNF decides.

–          Giallorossi’s team came in with a very even contribution bell curve (if someone was ever crazy enough to make one), with most players doing their part.  Top dogs were Ray “fried” Rice (155 yards) and Dallas “Debbie’s friend” Clark (63 yards, TD) -> scores which highlight just how many players needed to contribute to get up to the high 80’s. Still to come tonight is Derrick “Stoneface” Mason…

–          The Lemming are still in the hunt on this one, thanks almost solely to a spur of the moment decision to pick up Seattle RB Justin “fortuitous” Forsett (130 yards, 2 TDs) and play him instead of Matt Forte (who sucked).  I suspect this is how Larry feels every week (except the last couple), and I have to say it feels rather warm and tingly.  Still to come tonight is all-round superstar (and lover of supermodels) Tom Brady, plus RB Pierre Thomas.  The Lemmings are daring to hope…

Until next time…

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