Round 11

The Raiders finally rally to win one, and 2 of the 3 “damned” also win. Coincidence, or some kind of unsavory cosmic link?

Stand back – the big boys are fighting in the playground (Miracles v Squad @ 108 v 106)

–          If there were ever a game that shows how fantasy football SHOULD be played, this is it.  Currently this matchup has the two top scores, just a few points apart, and BOTH teams with two more players to come tonight.  I think this proves that, no matter what mind-games he tries, the Miracles are out to win every game.  It also proves that ‘adjustments’ are good, with the Squad’s top-ranked 23-changes leading directly into (what currently appears to be) the game of the season…

–          The Festivus Miracles take a slender lead into tonight’s game, with all-but-one of their players getting double-digits over the weekend.  The top two were wearing the same jerseys this week (very strange) – with Green Bay’s Aaron “45 pass attempts” Rodgers (357 yards, 2 TDs) and Ryan “21 carries” Grant (145 yards, TD) both doing their bit to get their team over the line. Still to come tonight are Andre “look at me Schaub” Johnson and the Tennessee “Titanic?” defense.

–          The Squad had a RB weekend for the ages – his 3 RB’s scoring an average of 17 points.  Oh, that’s right, he could only play 2.  He gets a B+ for choice – getting Kevin “home alone” Smith (149 yards, TD) and LaDainian “blast from the past” Tomlinson (73 yards, TD) out on the field, while leaving Laurence “bologna” Maroney (77 yards, 2 TDs, FUM) on the bench.  Luckily he brought in his backup Kevin -> TE Kevin “home alone 2” Boss (76 yards, 2 TDs) -> to make it all good again.  Left to fight off the evil Miracles tonight are Matty “don’t pass to Andre” Schaub, and Rob “50-yard FG’s” Bironas.  Should be a good one…

The Sophpmores stand tall, balance books on head. Tromps whack book into foreheads (103 v 85)

–          The Sophomore Slumps figured out how to stand up straight over the weekend (perhaps they followed last week’s advice and used some alcohol?), locking this one in on Sunday night and keeping themselves at least mathematically in the hunt for the top 4.  The Tromps, taking a Franciscan look on life, spent the day beating themselves in the head with the playbook – hope fading of even making to the 5th-through-8th playoff berths…

–          Sophomores stay within two games of the coveted 4th spot by taking the win this week. As usual, his top 2 were Drew “easy” Breesy “cover girl” (187 yards, 3 TDs) and DeAngelo “de reliable” Williams (131 yards, TD), though several other team member stepped it up this week for double-digit performances.  With the Gnomes, Da Fury and Giallorossi left to play for the season, he’s up against exactly the people he needs to beat in order to make the top 4. Can his new-found ballerina-straightness be brought to bear for the next three weeks?

–          The Tromps reportedly got a great deal on their recent purchases of a burlap hoody and a large, heavily-bound playbook. His Latin is coming along nicely, and we can only hope that his bench-management skills (aka “luck”) improves soon.  While Wes “the ghost who” Welker’s (203 yards) had a pretty handy game, the Tromp’s second and third highest scorers were left on the bench this week.  Of particular note was keeping Calvin “where’s my tiger” Johnson (161 yards, TD, started by 75% of the planet) sitting on his rear end, while playing Patrick “where’s my cleats” Crayton (10 yards, TD, started by 15% of the planet). This result leaves him one game clear at the wrong end of a quickly swung book…

GotaBeatLarry extends into smack talk, has Gnomes in headlock (86 v 68)

–          Despite a player each to come, I think we’re ready to call this one.  The GotaBeatLarry’s, pulled together a string of mediocre-to-average performances to get himself a pretty decent buffer heading into MNF.  The Gnomes, on the other hand, pulled together some incredibly woeful performances to get himself completely in a bind.

–          The GotaBeat’s top scorer (by a fair margin) didn’t take the field this week.  It seems that Brett “just doing it to annoy GB” Favre’s 4 TDs and 213 yards just didn’t fit into the strategy of “everyone get 8 – 15 points”.  The almost exclusive use of the center of the bell curve is an unusual methodology to take into a game, sure, but it came off this week.  Top scorer was Heath “cliff” Miller (95 yards, TD). Yes, that was the top scorer for a winning team.

–          The Nittany Gnomes MUST have been going for the low-score of the season this week. How else do you explain the -0.2 points from RB Marshawn Lynch-ed-by-Bills-fans, from 8 carries, 18 yards, a fumble, and a shoulder injury?  The daring gambit – his 2nd, 3rd, and 4th highest scores were on the bench – might have played through, too, if not for the non-conforming exploits of Terrell “doing it my way” Owens (187 yards, TD).  The Gnomes now find themselves in a battle to make it to 4th, though one fears they’d need a Hollywood-style plot to make it back now.

Giallorossi’s roller-coaster ride continues, this time with an UP against Da Fury (91 v 85)

–          It’s hard to tell which is harder on the soul – a permanently cursed life, when you know what to expect, or a roller-coaster wearing a blindfold. For at least one week, Dougy gets to feel the wind rush through his hair without having to worry about the chili-burger lunch coming up on to his Banana Republic pullover.  Da Fury fought well, a score in the top-half of the league, but it was not to be.  Perhaps some of that missed opportunity is due to not listening to the police band radio enough…

–          Giallorossi may or may not be reading this. I mean, how much can a koala bear? Still, this was a good week for him – he played the bench perfectly, and benefited from a big game from the Big Ben (402 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INTs).   Second place contributor was Derrick “secret handshake” Mason (142 yards), but – let’s be honest – the only reason Doug is smiling today is the 7-6 win the Cowboys pulled off in the last few minutes on Sunday. You might need a crowbar to remove it.

–          Da Fury really needs to clean up his workspace – it’s a mess.  Surely that’s the only reason why the DEA memo handed to them recently was misfiled, and the 4-week suspension of WR Dwayne “no gain” Bowe for substance abuse was missed? Although Steven “show me some” Jackson’s (116 yards, TD) and Donovan “lovin’ the tricky Vick” McNabb (249 yards, 2 TDs, INT) both played well, the absent WR spot – and a zero-point TE – really cost them the matchup.

The Lemmings manage to win one, thanks mostly to the Thunderous empty backfield (93 v 88)

–          The team that has historically been known as the one most likely to lose by less than a point finally break their 5-game losing streak, proving that maybe, just maybe, you REALLY can rely on the kindness of others.  Thunderball’s gently proffered empty backfield was quietly accepted, and the Lemmings are at last still on TOP of the cliff at the end of the weekend.

–          The Lemmings did absolutely nothing different this week than all the others – they scored in the top half of the league and played [mostly] the right team members – but this time they happened to be up against the right (self-destructive) opponent.  Top scorer was Tom “who else” Brady (319 yards, TD), closely followed by DeSean “de-sheep” Jackson (117 yards, TD, FUM).  Now that they’re a game clear of last position, the Lemmings are now daring to lift their eyes up to the coveted 8th position.  Yes, Lemmings, dare to dream…

–          Hangover week?  Maybe.  But to fall so far, and so soon after slaying the Larry dragon, is a sure sign of manager instability. In case this wasn’t clear before, the “IR” next to Ronnie “not feeling bonnie” Brown does not mean “I’m ready”.  Coupled with Michael “doubtful” Turner also not playing, it meant a no-RB matchup for the Thunder. The scary thing was it still got close – thanks mostly to a WR corps with 50+ points -> Sidney Rice (89 yards, 2 TDs), Mike Sims-Walker (91 yards, TD), and Steve Smith (87 yards, TD). And, to rub some salt into the wound, there were 31 points from a RB sitting on the bench –Ricky “ain’t drugged today” Williams had a blinder on the weekend, with 138 yards and 3 TDs.  Still, Jones wanted a no RB game, and he got one. The Lemmings are thankful.

As a Round 11 winner, I think we should just call it quits right now. Sound good?


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