Round 10

The football story of the week has to be the Patriots’ failed 4th-and-2 that cost them the game. The GIS football story of the week has to be the fall of the invincible Miracles.  But was this really a rope-a-dope victory for the ages, or was the fix on? We may never know…

Thunder teaches the Miracles some manners (133 v 98)

–          Thunderball gets himself another well-earned win, with a 35-point thumping of the previously untouchable Festivus Miracles. As suggested in the lead-off paragraph, the fact that the Miracles implied last week that they were going to throw a few games (to get the New England perfect season monkey off their back) does cast a slight shadow over this result.  Regardless of whether the Miracles are OK with this loss or not, the sheer dominance of the matchup might have an unexpected impact on his team’s confidence going forward…

–          For those of you who didn’t know, Sean used to give etiquette lessons back in Oz – usually providing advice on the 7-course meal (a meat pie and a six-pack) and how to burp the alphabet. This week, it was teaching Larry to say sorry. Instrumental were Peyton “last gasp” Manning (327 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INT) and “and the winner is” Sidney Rice (201 yards).  Plenty of other contributors move Thunder nearly 17-points clear as the top score of the week.  And at 7-and-3, are we seeing a new threat for the title emerge?

–          This is the first time the Miracles have been mentioned second in their matchup all season.  It’s weird. They actually had the 3rd top score of the week, but the result looks like he took a well-aimed spoon to the back of the hand. Top scores were Aaron “the cheese is entering my brain” Rodgers (204 yards, 2 TD) and the Tennessee Defense (2 sacks, 2 INT, 2 TD). Will he shake this one off?  Or has “just lose baby” entered the vernacular?

The Squad squeezes blood from a stone as the Slumps get all roundy-shouldered (79 v 73)

–          The two lowest scores of the week battled it out in this one, with the Practice Squad once again proving that when it comes to getting value for money from a matchup, they’re the guys.  Meanwhile, the Sophomore Slumps have entered the second half of the season by focusing on the second half of their name – the slumps. Stand up straight, for crying out loud. Didn’t your ballet teacher do anything for you?

–          The Practice Squad played this one loose, relying almost solely on Randy “the candy man” Moss to bring in the win (179 yards, 2 TDs). The only other squad member in double digits was Mark “Phil’s twin brother” Sanchez (212 yards, TD, 2 INT). A quick glance at the bench saw that maybe, just maybe, LaDainian “lost in space” Tomlinson (96 yards, 2 TDs) could be back on the fantasy radar moving forward.

–          The Sophomore Slumps have lost their last three and it’s starting to look ominous.  Drew Brees-in-the-backyard (223 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INT) and Da-Angel Williams (122 yards) are consistently their top guys, with cameo appearances from other team members (such as the-walls-of Jerricho Cotchery – 68 yards, TD) simply not enough to pull off the win.  It also doesn’t help when your top scorer – Reggie “wedgie” Bush (98 yards, 2 TDs) is left on the bench.  One tip, breaking a slump usually involves alcohol…

GotaBeatLarry again belies his name to ground the Tromps into the turf (116 v 92)

–          As only the second team to break the 1k mark, the GotaBeats could very well be the most ridiculed second-ranked team in fantasy football.  This win makes it three in a row and cements him in 4th place, with a run at the “big guy” in the finals possible.  The Tromps, on the other hand, fall to the bottom of the table – their 18 moves (second-highest in the league) proving to be strangely ineffective…

–          The Larry-Haters had three guys above 20 points this week, though one – Kurt “Cobain” Warner – was left on the bench.  Luckily Reggie “to the pain” Wayne (126 yards, 2 TDs) and Maurice “always here” Jones-Drew (145 yards, TD) had more than enough for this one.  Given that the only way he can bring this POWER up against his nemesis again this season is to make the playoffs, one can only wonder at the numbers of chickens being sacrificed in JR’s kitchen. Just as well he loves cacciatore.

–          The Tromps huffed and they puffed, but simply could not blow this house down.  A strong return to form from the Number One RB On The Planet (*) – Adrian Peterson (143 yards, 2 TDs) – got him into the wheelhouse, but inadequate support was provided from the rest of the team, so he went down with the ship.  With the lowest point total in the league, and suffering from a severe case of Giallorossi-matchup-pox, he’s dropped to the bottom of the table.

  • (*) Statement true before Round 1, 2009. ‘NORBOTP’ trademarked by Peterson-For-Governor-2118.

Curse NOT dead – Gnomes rip beating heart from Giallorossi’s chest (86.94 v 86.76)

–          The Gnomes – a whimsical category of fantastical creatures who eat the still-beating hearts of their victims. Giallorossi – a team who plays the “other kind of football” because the ball is round and you don’t need luck to know which way the ball’s going to bounce.  This matchup, a classic – the 0.18 point difference now 4th overall for the closest of the season…

–          The Gnomes found their ladder, but (luckily) also had on their platform shoes. This week their ladder even had a name – Chris “NORBOTP challenger” Johnson (232 yards, 2 TDs).  The platform shoes came in the form of Jeremy “back-in” Maclin (70 yards, TD), whose minus-6 yards in rushing very nearly cost the Gnomes the game.  The only concern for the Gnomes – whether or not Chris Johnson will be embroiled in a lawsuit with Adrian Peterson…

–          Giallorossi thought they’d turned the corner. We all did.  But, alas, it seems that the favorite plaything of the Football Gods apparently needed to be tossed off the 5th floor balcony without a parachute one more time. The Baltimore defense (4 sack, 2 INT, TD) made it close, but maybe it’s time to look at the villains.  Shame on you, Marques “of crud” Colston (23 yards, FUM), and shame on you Ben “ding-dong” Roethlisberger (190 yards, INT).

The Fury unleashes chaos theory to take down the Lemmings (96.4 v 96.3)

–          The Fury brought all their infamous anger and drama to this one, but it turned that the single beat of a butterfly’s wings (or, one yard for a RB) was enough to take ownership of this one. The Lemmings, conversely, are pushing for the title of most-cursed, after playing in two of the top three “closest games of the season”, and losing both.

–          Da Fury makes it three in a row with this one, with the long-forgotten man-of-soup, Donovan McNabb (450 yards, 2 TDs, INT), relishing in the cold weather with a Minestrone performance for the ages.  Frank “more” Gore (125 yards, TD) provided just enough extra shove to get the win, though (and speaking completely without bias), I think the 49-ers got some VERY generous ball placements this week.

–          The Lemmings are starting to find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Unsure of what to do, they benched the troublesome Brandon Marshal (243 yards, 2 TDs) this week and put in the go-getter Devin “heaven” Hester (48 yards) instead.  That could be construed as a mistake.  Anyway, the Lemmings are now off to have a beer with Tom “he’s no lady” Brady (378 yards, 3 TDs, INT), and talk about how a time machine could be used for frivolous personal gain.

Soldier on – round 11 approaches and close losses are calling your name.

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