Round 6 – forevermore known as the Round of the Excessive TD. There were a lot of VERY large scores by NFL teams this week, and that has translated into lots of points for the fantasy teams. The best estimate has 7-out-of-10 teams over 100 points – that has to be a league record. If only we had good accounting records of the games of seasons-past. Time to review Round 6…
The crunch of Giallorossi and the Miracles smacking heads is strangely satisfying (124 v 117)
– The Rumble in the Jungle and the Thrilla in Manila have nothing on this battle of last year’s grand finalists. Tons of points, oodles of aggravation, and an all-round game that would make even Roger Federer weep into his gold-encrusted pillow. And it’s not over yet…
– Currently holding the leagues’ high-score of the week and a tenuous lead, Giallorossi (surely the league’s unluckiest player) had all-but-one of his players reach double-digits. The top two were Big Ben Roths-la-burger-and-fries (417 yards, 2 TD, INT) and Marques “the Mark” Colston (166 yards, TD). Interestingly, and proof that it’s hard to get your cake and eat it too, Colston’s performance on ‘O’ really reduced the effectiveness of the Giant’s ‘D’ – Dougy’s only non-double-digit player – who came in with a minus 1. Being better off if you’d left your D at home in your dirty laundry – priceless.
– Festivus Miracles are still in with a chance, thanks to a team who also has all-but-one in double digits. Top performers with the gift-lovin’ holiday seekers were Thomas “tom-tom” Jones (210 yards, TD) and Aaron “buck” Rodgers (367 yards, 2 TD, INT, FUM). The Miracles are again chasing their perfect season, and hope remains with one player to come in tonight – the Denver D. If they get the required 6.6 points, then there’s a fair chance Doug’s head might implode. We’ll check his hat size tomorrow…
The Practice Squad uses the Gnomes for kicking practice – it’s over, it’s goooood (104 v 68)
– The Squad, having settled on a name, are marching their way up the ladder. The Gnomes, having sailed through the crossbars from the end of the Practice Squad’s boot, are in freefall into the crowd. It’s been a huge turnaround for the Gnomes and they can only hope that the stitches on the backs of their leather jerkins are not mistaken for a football again next week…
– The Practice Squad are done with practice – it’s game time. With two players over 30 points – Matt “the slob” Schaub (392 yards, 4 TDs, INT) and Randy “the dandy” Moss (129 yards, 3 TDs) – he had a stranglehold on this game early. While other contributors were (mathematically) necessary, there’s certainly no need to talk about them. Oh, and there’s still two more players coming tonight… Yes, this one was a basting.
– The Nittany Gnomes are probably just a wee bit numb right now. Being kicked over a crossbar from 50 yards will do that. His top scorer – Matty “the ice man cometh” Ryan – had a great game for his franchise (leading them to a tough win with 185 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs), but in fantasy terms it was nowhere near what he needed. The 0.6 points (6 yards) from one-week-wonder Jeremy “Mac Attack” Maclin was salt to the wound.
The Sophomores look for royal intervention to overtake the Gotabeat-someone-else’s (105 v 108)
– This is another tight one, with both teams having a very impressive week. It all comes down to tonight’s game, with Eddie “the Crown Prince of Denver” Royal needing to pick up 3.5 points to get the win for the Sophomores. I think SOMEONE will be watching the game tonight…
– The Sophomores can thank Drew “the answer, my friend” Brees (375 yards, 4 TDs) and DeAngelo “downhill” Williams (172 yards, 2 TDs) for his strong position heading into MNF. The rest of his team was so-so, but this is such a huge improvement from last week’s game that I’m surprised there wasn’t a glow in the night sky last night from Tor’s enormous grin. Can the grin make it through one more day…?
– I only have one word of advice for the Gotabeats – “diversity”. I mean, you set yourself a target for the season – that’s fine – but it’s starting to impact your game. Not only did you fail to notice that you’re not playing Larry again this week, you also failed to notice a bye week for one of your WRs. That kind of behavior is fine for the southern hemisphere, but seriously, you’re almost a Yank (except for that Canadian passport thing). Luckily Maurice Jones-Drew “a picture” came to help (178 yards, 3 TDs, FUM). Now you have to sit back and (maybe) get Royaled. And it’s probably going to hurt.
The battle of the 3-and-2 minnows turns into a gum fight, Thunder leads the Fury (80 v 59)
– In a week of incredible scores, these two gladiators came to town to do some shopping and have a cappuccino. As the two toothless wonders attempt to gum each other to death, one can only hope that they at least enjoyed the trip to Macy’s for the half-off sale on bandanas and ornamental ducks.
– To be fair, Thunderball did have a few decent scores this week – they just look poor when compared to some of the other craziness that went on. His top two were Sidney “guess who’s coming to dinner” Rice (176 yards) and the Arizona D (5 sacks, INT, FUM). And with a RB coming tonight – Knowshon “Valley Girl” Moreno– there’s still chance for him to walk the halls with his head held high. He’s also all-but-assured of the win because…
– …Da Fury are now officially classified as wandering in the desert. Soon we may see posters with “Lost Skills” and “Have you seen my Ability – reward offered” stuck up around Santa Barbara. This once-proud and noble practitioner of the game now has to find solace in a 277-yard (no TD) performance from Chunky Soup McNabb – who lost the unlosable game against the Raiders on the weekend. That’s no way to live.
The Tromp-a-lots make some calls, take a big lead into MNF against the cliff-jumpers (108 v 97)
– Geography doesn’t matter after all – the Tromp-a-lots happened to be watching the New England game from the other side of the planet, and acted swiftly to call the NE trainers and convince them that Brady really should be pulled from the game – for his own good, of course. This action, plus a word in the ear of RB Matt “don’t drop it” Forte, has paved the way for an unlikely win over the gloating Lemmings.
– The Tromps’ top scorer was WR Wes “right place, right time” Welker (150 yards, 2 TDs), who’s 27 points brought the WR-average up to just under nine. Yes, for those looking for a calculator, the other two WRs brought in a net of -1.6. Luckily additional scoring assistance was provided by Joe “whakko” Flacco (385 yards, TD) and TE Owen “tell me about the rabbits” Daniels (78 yards, 2 TDs). Now he just needs to sit back and wait.
– I’ll admit it, the Lemmings saw that Brady threw for 5 touchdowns in the second quarter against the Titans, then got another in the third, and started thinking about the victory speech. Sadly, it seems that this really IS a team sport and a QB with 380 yards and 6 TDs is simply not enough to get it done. Even adding in Visanthe “look at me, Brett” Shiancoe’s 48 yards and 2 TDs didn’t get there. And with Matt Forte fumbling twice in 45 seconds, well, you know you’re in trouble. The chance for another 0.04 point loss remains, however, with the most redeemed man in sports – Brandon “new leaf” Marshall – playing tonight, and 11.4 points needed to tie.
Enjoy MNF – I know I’ll be watching (right along with Dougy, Larry, Tor, JR and Burgy).