Thanks to Festivus for the guest writeup today.
Our fearless leader (fearless except when the internet snoopers are prowling) is away, but that won’t stop us from reporting on the action from week 2 of the Geography Illusion and Smoke season. All in all, it was a good week to be a Johnson. The all Johnson starting team of Chris – rb (46.4), Andre – wr (26.9), Calvin – wr (12.7), Larry – rb (11.9), and Jeremi – rb (0.9) racked up 95+ points on their own. All they need is Brad to QB the team and it would be a winner.
Thunderball vs Lemming Chasers (53-71.74)
We’ll start with our fearless leader (the Chasers) doing battle with another from down under (the 007’s). This was an epic battle not to be missed, highlighted by players from each team coming in a little down under. In the battle of incompetence, Donnie Avery (-1.6) for the 007’s was the clear winner of Pierre Thomas (-0.40), but that shouldn’t stop our hero from pulling out a rare victory. Michael “don’t call me Ike” Turner and Steve Smith are currently leading the way with Peyton Manning (throwing for the 80-yard td on the first play from scrimmage) and Ronnie Brown doing battle on Monday night. That should be enough to carry the 007’s to the promised land. The Chasers were mostly napping while their boss was away with only a rare DeSean Jackson (17.6) sighting and strong D from the purple ones (Minnesota – 12.0). A quick look at the bench doesn’t show a whole lot sitting it out there either.
Le Trompe-l’ceil vs Sophomore Slumps (101.64 – 84.24)
The Frenchies used a little of their “trick the eye” art technique (wikipedia is good for something) to slide by the Sophs and put up a worthy number for the Aussie contingent. The Frenchies had an impressive five players in double figures lead by Philip “cry me a” Rivers (24.44) and “Maid” Marion Barber (21.5) leading the way. Wes Welker decided to sit this one out as he just wasn’t needed to carry the day. The Sophs tried to keep up with 4 in double figures again lead by Drew “what’s that TD record?” Brees (23.34). A negative tally by the suddenly susceptible Titan D was not much help, not was 12 points combined from the starting receiving triumvirate of Eddie Royal”e with cheese”, Santana Moss, and Jerricho.
Nittany Gnomes vs. GotaBeatLarry (109.60 – 71.42)
The little people seem to be once again finding their stride (short as it may be), much to the dismay of the rest of the league and particularly the Stooges. Curly and Mo will need to beat Larry a little harder next time if they hope to match the Gnomes Chris Johnson who lead all with a whopping 46.4 points. 20 from Matt Ryan and double digits from 2 old but not quite done divas (TO and Ochocinco) were enough to carry the little ones over the century mark. The Stooges could still pull it out with a legendary performance from Reggie Wayne, but that doesn’t appear to be in the cards. The Stooges got some help from Kurt “where’s my walker?” Warner (17.62) and Percy Harvin (11.5), but it wasn’t nearly enough. Next time they’ll have to try the eye gouch on Chris Johnson to keep this one close.
Festivus Miracles vs. The Practice Squad (101.94 – 58)
The Practice Squad should have called a few more players up from the bench (notable Matt Schaub and his 23 points) but the probably still wouldn’t have been enough. With only the once, twice, three times retired Brett Favre in double digits (14.2) the Practice Squad will need to dig deep to find their inner Rudy before the next matchup. All the practice players were above the Mendoza line, though, so there is hope. The Miracles got feats of strength from 4 players in double digits lead by arguably the best receiver in football Andre “the giant” Johnson (26.90). Any day you get 15 from your kicker (the newly acquired Lawrence Tynes) is a good day and enough to get the Miracles also over the century mark.
Da Fury vs. Giallorossi (129.8 – 105.54 and counting)
And for the feel good game of the week we have the Fury getting all nasty on the yellow reds. And why is it the feel good game? Because the yellow reds have 6 guys in double digits (including Dallas Clark in the first 2 minutes of monday night football), they’ll finish the night with one of the top scores of the week, they are the defending champions and they will end week two without a win. What more can you ask for? The Fury have a measly five players in double digits, but 4 of those are over 20 (Frank Gore – 36.6, Eli Manning – 21.4, Willis McGahee – 20.9, Vincent Jackson – 20.1) and that’s good enough for the high score of the week. The Italian Job was lead by Marques Colston and his 21.8 points, but that’s just not going to be enough. Week 3 will begin with our defending champ without a victory.
Good luck to all in week 3, when in doubt go with your Johnson . . .