Round 1…

Results of week 1 are coming in and, while MNF can always mess with your head, it seems that the theme of the week is “get a good TE”.  We’ve heard of West Coast Offense for years – now it seems that the “Gumbo Offense” might need to be taken more seriously –> just throw to your TE.


The Gnomes plunder Rome as Giallorossi laments his chances (79 v 77)

–          This one looks close, but the Gnomes still have a couple of players left in the wings so Giallorossi is well and truly toasted-with-jam. Nothing to see here, folks.

–          In a ploy some might see as “unkind”, the Gnomes’ brought in Dougy’s favorite QB – Tony “all loads lead to” Romo (353 yards, 3 TDs) – and used him to pull out a big score. With some back up from Jeremy “what a” Shockey (31 yards, 2 TDs) and Roy “Rogers” Williams (86 yards, TD), the Little Ones slept soundly last night.

–          Giallorossi, defending champ and all-round gelato-lover, just couldn’t get everything lined up this week. While there were several decent contributors, the top scorer brought in only 13 points – Brian “the life of” Westbrook (72 yards, TD) – which is not going to get ‘er done. Perhaps of more concern is team management planning – a quick bench tour showed about 20 available points loitering about with intent.


The outlook: Sophomores basking in the sun with only a (very) Minor Threat of rain (104 v 64)

–          This matchup pitted the multi-year, multi-team veteran (Minor Threat) against the 2nd-year wonderkid (Sophomores). This time, it appears youthful exuberance (and a pretty serious QB effort) will win out…

–          The Sophomore Slumps, using sarcasm in their naming convention, have blasted out of the box. Sure, a huge (enormous, vast, massive) amount of his score was due to Drew “it’s a cool” Brees (358 yards, 6 TDs), but there was also good support from the Tennessee D (4 sacks, 2 INT, 1 FUM) and Tony “Gonzo the great” Gonzalez (73 yards, TD). Sadly, fourth round (auto) draft pick, Eddie Royal, could only pick up 17 yards.  Maybe next week we’ll understand what Yahoo was thinking there…

–          The Minor Efforts have actually been outscoring their overall predicted points – for example, Greg Jennings (106 yards, TD, 2-PNT) and Chris Cooley (68 yards, TD) did what they could – and with three players left in the kitty, there is still hope of a change in the weather. Can Randy “gathering a bit of” Moss, LaDainian “put me in, coach” Tomlinson, and the New England “c’mon Tom” D pull it off?


Festivus doesn’t need a miracle, he can rely on Thunder rolling over (85 v 46)

–          Although Thunderball had to work hard, he has managed to nab the lowest pre-MNF score of the week, allowing the Festivus Miracles to saunter casually towards the finish line.  A check of tomorrow’s score is not going to salve any wounds…

–          The Miracles have always gone for the whole team thing (dang it) and, with 5 players in double digits, this season appears to be no exception. Top scorer was Thomas “the Jet Engine” Jones (107 yards, 2 TDs), with good support from Green Bay’s great-white-hope Aaron Rodgers (191 yards, TD, 2-PT).

–          Like a golden Labrador desperate for a pat, the Thunder from Down Under has rolled over and showed his soft underbelly to the sky. While Peyton “the big brother” Manning did his best (301 yards, TD, INT), there was very little in the tank thereafter. A quick review of the bench also bodes ill for Thunderball…


The Larry Lashers push hard to keep the Le Tromp-a-lots in their box (112 v 71)

–          You have to admire the focus of a team dedicated to a single purpose, and one can only hope that GotaBeatLarry hasn’t peaked too early.  But peak they have, and the Le Tromp-a-lots find themselves ruing their decision to taunt the opposition wearing a Larry mask…

–          They say defense wins championships, and when the GotaBeatLarry’s Philly D came in with 35 points (5 INTs, 5 Sacks, 2 TDs) you knew life was going to be good.  Throw in a little Reggie Wayne action (162 yards, TD) and Larry might be just a little more scared than usual. Le Tromps have certainly been backed into a hole…

–          Le Tromp-a-lots focused on RB’s in their (very) automated draft, which gave them their top scorers – Adrian I’m-too-sexy-for-this-blog Peterson (198 total yards, 3 TDs) and Marion “The Maid” Barber (79 yards, TD).  This has kept him in with a chance, with three players to come on MNF: Phil cry-me-a Rivers, Wes “the Phantom” Welker, and Stephen “in the groin” Gostkowski.  However, the odds are against Le Tromps climbing out of this picture.


Da Fury unleashes his tight end in the Lemming’s general direction (88 v 50)

–          With MNF to come, there is about a 3% chance that this one is not yet over.  Is Brady able to pull out 6 or 7 TDs in his season opener?  Hope springs eternal, but it’s doubtful even a fully fit Brady, playing the San Bernardino Sloths, could pull this one off.

–          Da Fury’s lead comes largely due to a 95-yard, 2-TD performance from the unheralded TE John Carlson, though King of Chunky Soup’s 3 TDs, a mystifying 106 total yards, and a fractured rib also came in handy. Will McNabb be back next week? We don’t know, and it can’t help the Lemmings anyway…

–          The Lemmings thought a Wednesday check for “cliffs ahead?” would be appropriate, but it seems that Pierre “Frog-legs” Thomas figured he’d hurt a knee on Friday so he could stay home and sauté something. Not good for the team stats, and when you throw in 3 bench players outscoring your current #1, it’s fair to say that the Lemmings have leapt wildly to their Round 1 death.


One response to “Round 1…

  1. Quigley Downunder

    Whip Whip – Le Tromp’s would have beaten 3 of the top 5 – looks like it could be a Festivius styled season – oh what could have been….

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