The last round of the regular fantasy football season is done! Man, that went fast. Of course, that feeling might be (at least somewhat) due to me hitting my head into a wall all season long and getting multiple concussions.
On to results…
Gnomes’ karate chop beats the mighty Gogoplata (91 v 77)
- The Gnomes came to the final round with their tiny fists flailing. A huge week for Kevin “started in 45% of leagues” Walter (146 yards, TD), plus some adequate backup from Jay “lamb cutlets” Cutler (286 yards, 2 TDs, INT), got this little team high and mighty.
- Gogoplata, admittedly playing for nothing but pride, really let himself go this week. I mean, leaving Marion in the team, even with a broken little toe (is there any injury more humiliating?), is scandalous – the boy couldn’t even apply his rose-petal-hued nail polish, for crying out loud. Top scorer was Brandon “finally” Marshall, whose 91 yards and 2 TDs were instrumental in getting Denver’s win on Sunday.
- But it’s too little, too late, for the tardy Gnomes – they fall just short of the finals. Poor little buggers. Maybe next year they can rise to the occasion. Failure can help us all grow. (Stop, please make him stop).
Thunder bowls over the shaken-but-not-stirred Rookies (103 v 84)
- Thunder’s persistence with the good scores continued this week, and finally an opponent has succumbed. Top scorer was Philip Rivers – already detailed in the preview for this round – with some nice support from Roddy “why’d you go and call me that, Momma?” White (164 yards) and Maurice Jones-Drew (102 total yards, TD).
- The Rookies coasted into the neutral zone for their last week, with mediocre-to-poor scores across the board. Despite a heart-breaker of a game, Aaron Rodgers (295 yards, 2 TDs, INT) had a very nice fantasy game, as did Reggie “been hiding in the” Bush (106 total yards, TD).
- Thunder’s win keeps him out of last position…
Notgonnabelast stands by his name as Giallorossi has a latte on the piazza (86 v 63)
- NotGonnaBeLast saves their best for last, handily winning possibly their most important match of the season. Top score was provided by the simply superb Pittsburgh defense (ask Romo what he thinks of them), whose 3 sacks, 3 INTs, 2 FUMs and TD led them to a last gasp win over the Cowboys. Not only did this give JR a win over Doug, but Doug also gets the double-whammy of seeing his beloved Cowboys lose and be in trouble for playoffs…
- Dougy, Dougy, Dougy. I love a good latte and nap on the piazza as much as the next guy, but we were all relying on you to get the NGBL’s down towards the cellar. Your top scorer on the field was Wes Welker (134 yards, 2-PNT), but you had 3 players with scores higher than that on the bench. Given that you must be in so much pain this week, what with the Cowboys with their tails between their legs and all, I feel I should stop now.
- NotGonnaBeLast steps safely away from last spot, his name proven a winner at last…
OutToGetShep gets a jackhammer and cracks Festivus’s foundation (87 v 60)
- The OTGS’s break a serious losing streak by giving the lackluster Miracles a real shellacking, even with Antonio “Pearly” Gates getting nary a catch! Top score went to Chris “the other” Johnson (166 total yards, TD), with Calvin “yes, another” Johnson coming in second (84 yards, TD).
- With the low score of the week, could this really be our league leader? Or, like all good chipmunks everywhere, are the Miracles just stockpiling points for winter? Regardless, this week was a killer for the big man on campus, rebuffed by womenfolk far and wide and dateless for the prom. His top score was a decent-but-not-great 91 yards and TD from LT.
- The OTGS’s win also removes them from last spot contention…
Da Fury romps into the finals with emphatic win over hapless Lifters (114 v 83)
- Da Fury needed to win this week, and even with the big red ‘Q’ next to Brian Westbrook, he kept the lad in the game. And talk about the right decision – 203 total yards and 2 TDs later and it was all in the bag. A few points here and there dribbled in, including 78 yards and a TD from the forgotten man from the forgotten team – Marvin Harrison.
- The Lifters went hard for this game, made changes and even did some (gasp) research. Yahoo thought he did a good job – the Lifters were favored to win by 12½ points – but, as usual for 2008, the fickle forces of fantasy football figured fortune should favor those farther afield. Not even top scorer Tyler Thigpen (221 total yards, TD) could save them. Or maybe the problem WAS that Tyler Thigpen was the top scorer…?
- Regardless, the Heavy Lifters, lowest scorers of the season and saddest of all teams, wraps up the coveted last spot and the first round draft pick of next season. Luckily, there will always be beer.
Thanks to all, and good luck to Larry, Kent, Doug and Nate in the playoffs. In our first ever all-North-American top 4, I find myself forced to go for the GoGo Girls – they’re easy on the eye and (probably) know what a cricket bat looks like…