There were many high scoring games this week in the NFL, and subsequently some pretty decent numbers posted in the fantasy matchups. And there was also the featured top-of-the-table clash of the last two undefeated teams – the red suit versus the red pleated skirts…
Dating newsflash – Miracles are more reliable than a bunch of pretty girls (96 v 67)
- Festivus Miracles is in the “finding a way to win” business, and the current economic climate for him seems to be “sunny with a light sea breeze”. Not only did I just find out that Houston has a QB (Matt Shaub, 267 yards, 2 TDs, FUM), but the Miracles have also just shown us all that a TE can be useful in a matchup (Owen Daniels, 66 yards, 2 TDs).
- Gogoplata, who may have been unintentionally emasculated by being referred to as the Gogogirls, simply twirled their hair and daydreamed. Top scorer, Marion “I wonder if I should make a booking with my” Barber personified this attitude, with 113 yards, TD, and then a FUM…
- Gogoplata needs 30 points tonight from Brandon Marshall to take the win, but contacts close to the team owner thinks he’s like, you know, at the mall or something, so he’s just not going to be able to make it.
Gnomes heading to infinity and beyond, as Rookies think about Mrs Potato Head (108 v 62)
- Some big, big scores from the Gnomes over the weekend, but none higher than Steven Jackson’s 176 total yards and 3 TDs. Thrown in 20+ points from the Chicago Defense, and high-teens from Willis McGahee and Steve “Finally” Smith, and you have one happy little, little garden camper.
- The Rookies fielded a decent team who performed indecently. Not indecent acts – this is a PG writeup – but indecent performances nonetheless. Top scorer was some guy who had the misfortune to replace the greatest Green Bay QB of all time, with 186 yards and a TD. I forget his name now. Buck something, from the 21st century?
- The Gnomes have three more players coming tonight, so expect his score to improve again. Ouch.
Giallorissi attacked the hill-top fort with trebuchets and fire, only to find Thunder had abandoned it days ago (88 v 27)
- Giallorossi planned and plotted, then sent 5 double-digit scorers off to battle. Top-most was Ryan Grant (117 yards, TD), followed closely by Gus “trying too hard” Frerotte (298 yards, 2 TDs, 4 INTs). Turned out Dougy could have sent in a few boy scouts with a pocket knife…
- …because Thunderball got on to the schnapps early on Wed afternoon and woke up late afternoon on Sunday with an enormous hangover and three players on byes. Philip Rivers got separated from the 5-day drinking binge on day 3, so he managed to get on the field and get some team points (208 yards, 2 TDs) albeit with some drama (INT, 2 FUMs).
- Jones has two more players coming in tonight, so hope for a score in the 30’s remains…
The Get Sheps sip calmly on their chamomile tea and bottle the Fury away (112 v 89)
- Out to get Shep rediscovers his inner “getting-ness” with three players in the 20’s. Top dog was “Aaaaadrrrrriaaaaan” (think ‘Rocky’) Peterson (130 total yards, 2 TDs), followed closely by the Johnson brothers – Chris (172 yards, TD) and Calvin (154 yards, TD, 2-PNT).
- Da Fury must be upset at the net-16 points left on the bench in his fielding of Brett Favre – who had a tough, tough game against (of all people) the Raiders – instead of Big Ben, though it wouldn’t have won him the match regardless. Even the magnificent 33 points from LenDale “Barry” White (156 yards, 3 TDs) went to waste. Shame…
Heavy Lifters on a roll as NotGonnaBeLast attempts to make himself a liar (86 v 63)
- Two in a row! This is the start of something beautiful, something for the ages. Could an 0-and-5 team actually come back and make the playoffs? Is the owner crazy like a fox? Or is he hopped up on caffeine and semi-delusional? Who cares – it’s TWO IN A ROW. I’d like to thank my RB, Clinton Portis (183 yards, TD, FUM), who never ceased to believe in me.
- Notgonnabelast just picked the wrong week to take on the Lifters. Drew Brees stunk it up this week, and Donald Driver was unable to capitalize (personally) on the 20-point win by Green Bay over Indy. Brandon “I run standing straight up, so sue me” Jacobs (75 yards, 2 TDs) provided the bulk of the points gained.
- In the interests of full disclosure, a 120-yard / 2-TD performance from JR’s Randy Moss tonight would require a full retraction of my claim-to-the-win, but confidence is sky-high in the Lifter’s house right now, so the tempting of fate has been risked.
Thanks to all. May all your teams (please continue to) wither and die.