Two weeks in and some high drama for Monday Night Football already. Summary of the weekend’s football below…
Destination MNF – Gogoplata takes the low road, and Notgonnabelast takes the high road (74 v 70)
- Gogoplata currently holds a slender 4-point lead, thanks to the huge WR performances of Brandon Marshall (166 yards, TD, team-record 18 catches) and Greg Jennings (167 yards). If QB Hasselbeck had been even half decent (189 yards, 2 INTs) then this one would already be over.
- Notgonnebelast hangs tough with four contributors just-into-double-figures –> Drew “Gentle” Brees (216 yards, TD, 2 INTs), Donald “Miss Daisy” Driver (52 yards, TD), Nate “Kicking Horse” Kaeding (3 FGs, 3 PATs), and the Pittsburgh “Brown Beater” defense (2 sacks, 2 INTs, just 6 points allowed).
- Monday Night Football looms, and both Kent and JR have bet on the Cowboys – the former with the legs of the Marion Barber of Seville, and the latter with the hands of Terrell Oh-dear-what-can-the-matter-be. Who will win? The running game or the passing game? Great stuff.
Giallorossi uses his “other players” to lead the one-trick-pony Nittany Gnomes into tonight (69 v 67)
- Giallorossi refuses to be lossy, even though his team kinda sucked this week. He can thank a huge Green Bay defensive performance (23 points for 5 sacks, 3 INTs, and 2 TDs), plus Matt Crosby (2 FGs, 6 PATs)
- The Gnomes went for the all-your-eggs-in-one-basket approach, with a humble Arizona receiver called Anquan Boldin pulling in about half his current total with 140 yards and 3 TDs. Yowser.
- This is another matchup to be decided tonight, with Dougy bringing Tony “I sleep with a famous girl” Romo and Jason “yes, my end is tight” Witten to take on the Gnomes’ Donovan “Crystal” McNabb looking to follow up on his 3 TD performance from last week. (Crystal is a nickname used for players who look great but break into ‘IR’ pieces easily).
Rookie Mistakes proves he don’t need no steenkin’ Bradies, and whups Da Fury into submission (115 v 79)
- Rookie gets seven of his nine players into double figures, totally destroying any chance he has of emulating Wayne’s 0-and-7 start, and taking out Da Fury in the process. Special mention must go to Eli “I’m no little brother” Manning (260 yards, 3 TDs) and Darren “The Raiders WON a game?” McFadden (164 yards, TD). Who is Tom Brady again?
- Da Fury managed to get three players into double figures, and in another matchup could still be in it, but he picked the wrong rookie to haze this week. Santana Moss, with 164 yards and a TD was his brightest star.
- Da Fury does have one of his top players – Westbrook – playing tonight. But it’s a big ask for the guy to pick up 40 points…
Festivus Miracles goes old school on a late-to-the-party Thunderball (91 v 72)
- Festivus Miracles, the great granddaddy of the fantasy football world, turned to another great granddaddy – Kurt “salt and pepper” Warner – for a big score this week (361 yards, 3 TDs, ties NFL record 158.3 passer rating). Throw in a little “the importance of being” Ernest Graham (128 total yards, TD), and you’re looking good.
- Thunderball is still trying to get clouds to bang together to make some noise, with star recruit Peyton “I sell a lot of stuff on TV” Manning (311 yards, TD, 2 INTs) simply not coming to the party as much as expected. Torry “I ain’t dead yet” Holt (76 yards, TD) helped out, but to no avail.
- In the interests of full disclosure, Thunder still has Akers (the Philly kicker) to play tonight, but (again) one can only feel that Thunder is eying a bridge too far in his bid to win a game.
Out to get Shep meets his life’s goal early, with a drubbin’ of the Heavy Lifters (116 v 85)
- Out to get Shep, reveling in a task that is swiftly becoming commonplace, managed to have 4 players over 18 points, with the WR’s alone bringing in over 60 points. Top scorer was Calvin “but no Hobbes” Johnson (129 yards, 2 TDs), followed closely by Chris “Gas” Chambers (83 yards, 2 TDs).
- The Heavy Lifters continue to try and get their money for nothing and their chicks for free, but it’s amazing what a bunch of no-hopers can NOT achieve. Only Clinton any-Portis-in-a-storm (99 total yards, 2 TDs) and Plexiglass Burress (81 yards, TD) can hold their shaggy heads high.
- With Burgo’s well-stated goal now so emphatically completed, one can only wonder if he will be motivated to keep his play at such a high level. If Carson Palmer (1.36 points this week) ever actually starts playing, the league should become very afraid.
Thank you and good luck.