2008 Season – Week 1

Welcome to the first-of-many reviews of the weekend of football.  With two games still to be played this evening, a few matchups are yet to be decided… 

Festivus Miracles gets early Xmas present as unlucky Notgonnebelast, well, loses (101 v 98)

  • Festivus Miracles pulls open the big bright-blue bow on his present and, woah, it’s Michael Turner (220 yards, 2 TDs).  He follows this up with a glass of Hines Ward (76 yards, 2 TDs), and before you know it he’s up in the low 100’s.
  • Notgonnebelast certainly wasn’t last in points – he’s currently 3rd – but this round will go down as a loss. Solace will be gained from Brees (343 yards, 3 TDs, INT), Randy Moss (116 yards, TD), and TO (87 yards, TD).
  • With no-one left to play, this close match is over. Despite the bad luck, Notgonnabelast remains true to his name by being the “best of the first round losers”. And with this start, will Festivus finally get to conquer his final frontier in this league and make the finals?  Perhaps too early to call…

 Out to get Shep pulls together a tapestry of points, as Thunderball’s yarn unravels (63 v 53)

  • Four of the ‘Shep-hunter’ players made it into double figures (just), with Reggie Wayne’s 86 yards and TD leading the way, and Antonio Gates was a nice TE contributor with 61 yards, a TD, and a bruised hip. To compete going forward, though, Burgo will need to get his QB (currently Palmer, 114 yards, INT) up to snuff.
  • Apart from Peyton Manning’s 257 yards and TD, Thunderball’s team had a terrible showing, including one no-show with the last-minute scratching of McGahee.  Not much to say here that wouldn’t rub salt into the (many) wounds…
  • Heading into MNF, Thunderball needs Anthony’s Adrian Peterson to be held to 1 yard and fumble 5 times. If that plan comes off, I say we anoint Thunder the overall winner and we should all go home.

 Gogoplata unleashes the roundhouse kick on the Wayne-cursed Rookie Mistakes (69 v 46)

  • Gogoplata went Robin Hood this week, with his use of Maid Marion Barber (101 total yards and 2 TDs) enough to make half the forest blush. Maid Marion was injured during the ‘event’, but looks to make a full recovery. Marshawn Lynch also came to the party, with 94 total yards and a TD.
  • Rookie Mistakes have taken the ‘projecting of Wayne’ to a whole new level, as their star recruit and all-time TD-throwing legend, Tom Brady, leaves Sunday’s game with what appears to be a season-ending injury. Ouch.  The only bright spot was everyone’s favorite Bush – Reggie – and his 163 yards (112 rec) and TD.
  • While both players have more points to come tonight, Gogoplata’s three remaining players will need to fumble early and often for the Rookie’s one remaining player (McFadden) to close up the gap.

 Da Fury takes big lead over lurking Giallorossi (93 v 58)

  • Da Fury gets a nice lead in this matchup as the trickling waters of Brian Westbrook (92 yards, 2 TDs) and the clanging gong of Big Ben Roethlisberger (163 total yards, 2 TDs, FUM) work together in symphony.
  • And while Giallorossi (and their ever-changing name) seems to be way behind, they’re actually in with a decent chance. Important scores so far were from Romo (320 yards, TD, 13 stitches), and Cotchery (80 yards, TD, and a bear-hug from Favre).
  • And heading into MNF, with Da Fury all out of ammo, Giallorossi has three players with a predicted additional score of 29, which leaves him about 6 points shy of the win.  So, one unexpected TD and he’s in.  My money, however, remains on the Fury…

 Nittany Gnomes use chunky blows to take out the Lifters (105 v 70)

  • Donovan “Chunky Soup” McNabb throws for 361 yards and 3 TDs to lead the Gnomes to a huge first-round score. The rest of the team played ancillary roles only, though special mention is worthy of the 16 points from the Chicago Bears (in their upset win over the Colts).
  • All the heavy lifting by the Lifters was done by Frank Gore (151 total yards, TD) and Plaxico Burress (133 yards), while pretty much everyone else decide they would only bend their elbows lifting small platters of ice tea and cakes.  It also didn’t help that the Lifters left their Willie (Parker) zipped up on the bench, as his 138 yards and 3 TDs would have been rather useful…
  • Regardless, with all players done, the Gnomes dominated this matchup and the league needs to be afraid of the patter of little feet.

 Thank you all.  Good luck tonight and next week.

 -Nathan.

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